Jokes - Jokes

[hellboy666]

hey u guys wanna hear sum jokes lol. Q: what do Santa and Micheal Jackson have in common?
A: they both leave little kids rooms with empty sacks.............

What do K-Mart and Micheal Jackson have in common?

They both have little boys pants half off.


A beautiful innocent young girl wants to meet Santa Claus so she puts
on a robe and stays up late on Christmas Eve. Santa arrives, climbs
down the chimney, and begins filling the socks. He is about to leave
when the girl, who happens to be a gorgeous redhead, says in a sexy
voice, "Oh Santa, please stay. Keep the chill away."

Santa replies, "HO HO HO, Gotta go, gotta go. Gotta get the presents
to the children, you know."

The girl drops the robe to reveal a sexy bra and panties and says in
an even sexier voice, "Oh Santa, don't run a mile; just stay for a
while..."

Santa begins to sweat but replies, "HO HO HO, gotta go, gotta go.
Gotta get the presents to the children, you know."

The girl takes off her bra and says, "Oh Santa... Please... Stay."

Santa wipes his brow but replies, "HO HO HO, gotta go, gotta go. Gotta
get the presents to the children, you know."

She loses the panties and says, "Oh Santa... Please... Stay...."

Santa, with sweat pouring off his brow, says, "HEY HEY HEY, Gotta
stay, Gotta stay! Can't get up the chimney with my pecker this way!!!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------



Just before Christmas, an honest politician, a generous lawyer and
Santa Claus were riding in the elevator of a very posh hotel. Just
before the doors opened they all noticed a $20 bill lying on the
floor. Which one picked it up? Santa of course, because the other two
don't exist!





Q. Do you know what the square root of 69 is?
A. Ate something. (8.xxxxxxx....)

Q. but do you know what 6.9 is?
A. A good thing screwed up by a period.

Q. Did you hear about the new "morning after" pill for men?
A. It changes their blood type.

Q. What do Lifesavers do that a man can't?
A. Come in eight flavors.

Q. What do cow pies and cowgirls have in common?
A. The older they get the easier they are to pick up.

Q. How can you tell a Sumo wrestler from a feminist?
A. A Sumo wrestler shaves his legs.

Q. What's six inches long that women love?
A. Folding money.

Q. What is the difference between erotic and kinky?
A. Erotic is using a feather....kinky is using the whole chicken.

Q. What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?
A. One is made of plastic and is dangerous for children to play
with.... the other is used to carry groceries.

Q. What is the new gay website address?
A. c : enter ### (see colon enter pound pound pound).

Q. What is the new O.J. website address?
A. slash slash backslash escape.

Q. What do gay men refer to hemorrhoids as?
A. Speed bumps.

Q. What's got four legs and one arm?
A. A Rottweiler.

Q. How can you tell if your girlfriend's frigid?
A. When you open her legs the lights go on.

Q. When does a cub become a boy scout?
A. When he eats his first Brownie.

Q. How does a Scotsman find a sheep in tall grass?
A. Very satisfying.

Q. Did you hear about the 150 lb. man who had 75 lb. testicles?
A. He was half nuts!!!

Q. What do you call a blonde grabbing at air?
A. Collecting her thoughts.

Q: Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
A: Ask your mom.

Q: How do you embarrass an archaeologist?
A: Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.

Q: What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
A: Wiped his ass.

Q: How can you tell if you're at a bulimic bachelor party?
A: The cake jumps out of the girl.

Q: What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose?
A: Full.

Q: What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex?
A: Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.

Q: How is a woman like a condom?
A: Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.

Q: What does a woman and Kentucky Fried Chicken have in common?
A: By the time you're finished with the breast and thighs, all you
have
left is the greasy box to put your bone in.

Q: How are tornadoes and marriage alike?
A: They both begin with a lot of sucking and blowing, and in the end
you
lose your house.

Q: Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team?
A: Because everybody who can run, jump and swim are already in the
U.S.

Q: What's the difference between love, true love and showing off?
A: Spitting, swallowing and gargling.

Q: What do you call two skunks that are 69ing?
A: Odor eaters

Q: Why do men name their penis?
A: They like to be on a first name basis with the one making most of
their decisions.

Q: What is the difference between snowmen and snowwomen?
A: Snowballs.

Q: Why do women have ######s?
A: So men will talk to them.

Q: Why do only 30% of men get into Heaven?
A: If it were more, it would be Hell.

Q: What is the new gay website address?
A: c : enter # # #

Q: Why do men like big tits and tight #####?
A: Because they've got big mouths and little dicks.

Q: What is the difference between ooooooh and aaaaaaah?
A: About three inches.

Q: Why don't women have any brains?
A: Because they don't have penises to keep them in.

Q: What two things in the air can make a women pregnant?
A: Her feet!

Q: What is the difference between a geneologist and a gynecologist?
A: A geneologist looks up your family tree and a gynecologist looks up
your bush.

Q: Why can't Miss Piggy count to 70?
A: Because she gets a frog in her throat at 69.

Q: Why did the bald man cut holes in his pockets?
A: So he could run his fingers through his hair.

Q: Whats the difference between a microwave and a woman.
A: A microwave doesn't scream when you put a piece of meat in it.

Q: What do elephants use for tampons?
A: Sheep.

Q: Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A: A different bar.

Q: Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby?
A: They named him Sum Ting Wong.

Q: What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the
other?
A: A speech impediment.

Q: What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at
half mast?
A: They're hiring.

Q: Why aren't there any Puerto Ricans on Star Trek?
A: Because they're not going to work in the future, either.

Q: Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?
A: He walks around saying, "Yo".

Q: What do you call an Alabama farmer with a sheep under each arm?
A: A pimp.

Q: Why do drivers' education classes in redneck schools use the car
only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
A: Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.

Q: What's the difference between a Southern zoo and a Northern zoo?
A: A Southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the
cage, along with a recipe.

Q: How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say flip?
A: Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!

Q: What's the Cuban national anthem?
A: "Row, Row, Row Your Boat"

Q: What's the difference between a Northern fairytale and a Southern
fairytale?
A: A Northern fairytale begins, "Once upon a time..." A Southern
fairytale begins, "Y'all ain't gonna believe this poop..."

Q: What is the quickest way to clear out a men's restroom?
A: Say, "Nice dick."

Q: How do you know you're leading a sad life?
A: When a nymphomaniac tells you, "Let's just be friends."

Q: What do you get when you cross Billy Ray Cyrus and a yeast
infection?
A: An itchy, twitchy twat.

Q: Are birth control pills deductible?
A: Only if they don't work.

Q: What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?
A: If we don't get some support soon, people are going to think we're
nuts.

Q: Why don't bunnies make noise when they make love?
A: Because they have cotton balls.

Q: What do you get when you cross an Owl and a Rooster?
A: A cock that stays up all night.

Q: Why is being in the military like a blow-job?
A. The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.

Q: What do you call a ninety year old man who can still masturbate?
A: Miracle Whip.

Q: What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws old ladies?
A: A bingo machine.




. What do Saddam Hussein and General Custer have in common?
A. They both want to know where all those Tomahawks are coming from!

Q: What is the best Iraqi job?
A: Foreign Ambassador.

Q: Did you hear that it is twice as easy to train Iraqi fighter
pilots?
A. You only have to teach them to take off.

Q. How do you play Iraqi bingo?
A. B-52...F-16...B-2.

Q: What is Iraq's national bird?
A: Duck.



black oneliners


Q: Why are aspirins white?
A: Because they work.

Q: How did the black girl know her mother was on the rag?
A: Her brothers dick tasted funny.

Q: What has six legs and goes: "Ho-de-do, ho-de-do, ho-de-do"?
A: Three blacks running for the elevator.

Q: What's the definition of the word "Confusion"?
A: Father's day in Harlem.

Q: Do you know why so many blacks were killed in Vietnam?
A: Because every time the seargeant said: "Get down!" they stood up
and started dancing.

Q: What did God say when he saw the first black person?
A: Ooops, I burnt one!

Q: Why is Stevey Wonder Smiling all the time?
A: He doesn't know he's black.

Q: Blacks took over Toys R us.
A: The renamed it to We B toys.

Q: A black guy and a Mexican guy opened a restaurant.
A: It's called Nacho Mama.

Q: What do you get when you cross an Eskimo with a black person?
A: A Snowblower that Doesn't work!

Q: What do you call an Negro with a peg leg?
A: poop on a stick.

Q: What does an apple and a Negro have in common?
A: They both look soooo pretty hanging from a tree.

Q: How do you starve a black man?
A: Put his food stamps in his work boots.

Q: Why don't blacks like Tylenol?
A: They have to pick cotton to get to them.

Q: What did the black women get for getting an abortion?
A: Fat cash from crime stoppers.

Q: What does a black person get for Christmas?
A: Your bike!!!

Q: How do you keep black people out of your back yard?
A: Hang one in the front!!

Q: What is the difference between a black and a bucket of poop?
A: The bucket.

Q: Why do you never hit a black on a bike?
A: Because it is probably your bike.

Q: Why are black people so tall?
A: Because their knee grows.

Q: Why do black people wear hats covering their face?
A: So the birds don't poop on their lips.

Q: What is white with a black asshole?
A: The A-Team

Q: How many black people does it take to single a roof?
A: Depends on how thin you slice um.

Q: How many black people does it take to pave a road?
A: Depends on how heavy the roller is.

Q: When is the only time u concentrate on a black man.
A: Behind the eyepiece of your rifle.

Q: What's the difference between batman and a blackman?
A: Batman can go to the store with out robin.

Q: What's the difference between poop and a black?
A: Eventually poop turns white and stops stinking.

Q: Is it better to be born black or gay?
A: Black - because you don't have to tell your folks.

Q: How do they say "flip you" in Los Angeles?
A: Trust me.

Q: What's black and white and red all over?
A: An interracial couple in a car wreck.

Q: How many blacks does it take to clean a toilet?
A: None, it's a woman's job.

Q: What's the definition of black foreplay?
A: Don't scream or I'll kill you.

Q: How do you know Adam and Eve weren't black?
A: Ever try and take a rib from a black.

Q: Who won the race down the tunnel, the black or the Pole?
A: The Pole because the black had to stop to write "motherfliper" on
the wall.

Q: What do you get when you cross a black and a groundhog?
A: 6 more weeks of basketball season.

Q: Why do blacks always have sex on their minds?
A: Because of the pubic hair on their heads.

Q: Did you hear about the ####lack French restaurant?
A: It's called Chez What.

Q: What did Lincoln say after his five day drunk?
A: I freed whom.

Q: What's long, black and smelly?
A: The unemployment line.

Q: Why don't blacks like blowjobs?
A: They don't like any jobs.

Q: What do you get when you cross a black prostitute with a Chinese
woman?
A: A broad that sucks shirts.

Q: Why do blacks raise chickens?
A: To teach their kids how to walk.

Q: How do you make a black nervous?
A: Take him to an auction.

Q: What do you call a black prostitute with braces?
A: A black and Decker pecker wrecker.

Q: What do you call a black test tube baby?
A: Janitor in a drum.

Q: Why do blacks smell so bad?
A: So the blind can hate them too.

Q: How did they invent break dancing?
A: Trying to steal the hubcaps off a moving car.

Q: Why did God invent golf?
A: So white people could dress up like blacks.

Q: What do you call a black man in Thailand?
A: A tycoon.

Q: Why do blacks keep their fly's open?
A: In case they have to count to eleven.

Q: What do you call a black man in a tree?
A: A branch manager.

Q: What's the most confusing day in Harlem?
A: Father's day.

Q: Who are the two most famous black women in history?
A: Aunt Jemima and Mutha fliper.

Q: How do you stop a black baby from crying?
A: Wet his lips and stick him to the wall.

Q: Did you hear that the KKK bought the movie rights to Roots?
A: They're going to play it backwards so it has a happy ending.

Q: What do you call 4 blacks in a 57 chevy?
A: Blood vessel.

Q: Why do blacks wear white gloves?
A: So they don't bite their fingers eating tootsie rolls.

Q: What is black and has four legs and goes Hol De Doe, Hol De Doe?
A: Two blacks running for the elevator.

Q: Why did God invent the climax?
A: So blacks would know when to stop fliping.

Q: Why did so many blacks get killed in the war?
A: When the Colonel yelled get down, they all got up and danced.

Q: What's the definition of worthless?
A: A 7'2" black man with a small prick, that can't play basketball.

Q: What do you call a black with a ####ike?
A: A thief.

Q: What do you call a black with a new caddie?
A: A better thief.

Q: Why don't black kids jump on their beds?
A: Because they'll stick to the velcro on the ceiling.

Q: How do you get them down once they're stuck?
A: Tell Mexican kids they're pinatas.

Q: Did you hear about Klu Klux Kneivel?
A: He tried to jump over 8 blacks with a steam roller.

Q: How can you tell when a black as been on your computer?
A: It is not there.

Q: What do you call a black with no arms?
A: Trustworthy.

Q: Why do black women where high heels?
A: So their knuckles don't drag.

Q: What do you call a black guys condom?
A: A duffle bag.

Q: Why are black guys eyes red after sex? A: From the pepper spray.

Q: What do you call one white guy surrounded by 10,000 black guys?
A: Warden.

Q: What do you call one white guy surrounded by 10 black guys?
A: The quarterback.

Q: Whats wrong with 5 blacks driving a Cadillac off of a cliff?
A: The car holds 6.

Q: How do you get a black man out of a tree?
A: Cut the rope.

Q: What do you call a black person on birth-control?
A: Crime prevention.

[hellboy666]

more jokes

christmas onliners


Q. What's red and white and gives presents to good little fish on
Christmas?
A. Sandy Claws.

Q. Why does Santa have 3 gardens?
A. So he can ho-ho-ho.

Q. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A. Frostbite.

Q. What's red and white and gives presents to good little fish on
Christmas?
A. Sandy Claws.

Q. Why does Santa have 3 gardens?
A. So he can ho-ho-ho.

Q. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A. Frostbite.

Q. Why was Santa's little helper depressed?
A. Because he had low elf esteem.

Q. What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper?
A. Ribbon hood.

Q. What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
A. Claustrophobic.

Q. What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
A. Snowflakes.

Q. Why did the little girl change her mind about buying her
grandmother a packet od handkerchiefs for Christmas?
A. She said "I could not work out what size her nose was!

Q. What was so good about he neurotic doll the girl was given for
Christmas?
A. It was wound up already.

Q. What was wrong with the boy's brand new toy electric train set he
received for Christmas?
A. Forty feet of track - all straight!


Black One-liners


Q: What happens when you stick you hand in a jar of jellybeans?
A: The black ones steal your watch.

Q: How do you start a black parade?
A: Roll a 40 down the street.

Q: Why do blacks burry their dead upside down?
A: Use em as bike racks.

Q: How did they improve the transportation in harlem?
A: Move the trees closer together.

Q: What did the black girl say while having sex?
A: Dad get off me your crushing my ciggs.

Q: Why are black people like jelly beans?
A: No one likes the black ones.

Q: What do you call a school bus full of black people?
A: A rotten banana

Q: What was the only thing missing from the million man march?
A. An auctionner

Q: How long does it take a black lady to poop?
A: 9 months.

Q: What do you call 100 black guys baried from the neck down?
A: Afroturf.

Q: Why are niggers afried of lawnmovers?
A: Beacuse it gose run nigger nigger run.

Q: What does a black person and a apple have in common?
A: They both look good hanging from a tree.

Q: What do you call a barn full of blacks?
A: Antique farm equipment.

Q: What do u call a black priest?
A: Holy poop

Q: What does the BFI on the dumpsters stand for?
A: Black Family Inside

Q: Have you ever seen a black person on the jetsons?
A: NO. Looks like a good future doesn't it?

Q: What do you call a black person in a three piece suit?
A: Will the defendent please rise.

Q: What do u do when your sitting in the dark and your tv starts to
float?
A: You turn on the lights and shoot the black people.

Q: What do you call 20,000 black people at the bottom of the ocean?
A: A good start.

Q: What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead
nigger in the road?
A: There's skid marks in front of the skunk.

Q: How can you tell if a blonde has been on the computer?
A: There is tipex on the screen.

Q: How can you tell if she has been on again?
A: She has left cheese for the mouse.

Q: Why are black people so good at Basketball?
A: Cause all you have to do is RUN ... SHOOT ... and STEAL

Q: What do you do if you see a black man flopping around on the
ground?
A: Stop laughing and reload

Q: What Do You call Mike Tyson if he has no arms or legs?
A: Nigger, Nigger, Nigger!!!!

Q: What do you call a group of blacks in the ocean?
A: An oil spill

Q: What do you call a pool full of black kids?
A: Cocoa puffs

Q: What do you call a 80 year old black guy?
A: Antique farm equipment.

Q: Why do police dogs lick their balls?
A: To get the taste of black out of thier mouths



blonde jokes
Q: What do you call an eternity?
A: Four Blondes in four cars at a four way stop.

Q: Why do Blondes have TGIF written on their shoes?
A: Toes Go In First.

Three Blondes were driving to Disneyland. After being in the car for
four
hours they finally saw a sign that said "Disneyland "Left", so they
turned around and went home.

Q: What do SMART Blondes and UFO's have in common?
A: You always hear about them but never see them.

Q: What did the Blonde say when she opened the box of Cheerios?
A: Oh look, Daddy...Doughnut seeds.

Q: Why did the Blonde stare at the can of frozen orange juice?
A: Because it said concentrate.

Q: Why do blondes always smile during lightning storms?
A: They think their picture is being taken.

Q: How can you tell when a Blonde sends you a fax?
A: It has a stamp on it.

Q: Why can't Blondes dial 911?
A: They can't find the 11 on the phone!

Q: What do you do if a Blonde throws a pin at you?
A: Run, she's got a grenade in her mouth!

Q: How can you tell if a Blonde has been using your computer?
A: There is white-out all over the monitor.

Q: Why shouldn't Blondes have coffee breaks?
A: It takes too long to retrain them.

A Blonde and a brunette were walking outside when the brunette said,
"Oh
look at the dead bird." The Blonde looked skyward and said, "Where,
where?"

Q: How do you drown a Blonde?
A: Put a scratch & sniff sticker at the bottom of the pool.

Q: Why does it take longer to build a Blonde snowman as opposed to a
regular one?
A: You have to hollow out the head.

Q: How do you get a twinkle in a Blonde's eye?
A: Shine a flashlight in her ear.

Q: Hear about the blonde that got an AM radio?
A: It took her a month to realize she could play it at night.

Q: What happened to the blonde Ice Hockey Team?
A: They drowned in Spring Training.

Q: What did the blonde say when she saw the sign in front of the YMCA?
A: "Look! They spelled MACY'S wrong!"

Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
A: Tell her joke on Wednesday.

Q: What's a blonde and a postage stamp got in common.
A: Lick Em, Stick Em, Send Em

Q: How can you tell if a blonde has been on the computer?
A: There is tipex on the screen.

Q: How can you tell if she has been on again?
A: She has left cheese for the mouse.

[hellboy666]

Yo mama jokes


Yo momma's so stupid, she tried to drop acid but the car battery fell
on her foot.

Yo momma's so stupid, she thinks Taco Bell is a Mexican Phone Company.

Yo momma's so stupid, she ordered a cheese burger from McDonald's and
said "Hold the cheese."

Yo momma's so stupid, she put a quarter in a parking meter and waited
for a gumball to come out.

Yo momma's so stupid, she got fired from the M&M factory for throwing
away all the W's.

Yo momma's so stupid, when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22
twice instead.

Yo momma's so stupid, she ordered her sushi well done.

Yo momma's so stupid, she thought she needed a token to get on soul
train.

Yo momma's so stupid, she bought a solar powered flashlight.

Yo momma's so stupid, she told everyone that she was "illegitiment"
because she couldn't read.

Yo momma's so stupid, she got hit by a parked car.

Yo momma's so stupid, she sold the car for gas money.

Yo momma's so stupid, she thought Sherlock Holmes was a housing
project.

Yo momma's so stupid, she thought asphalt was a skin disease.

Yo momma's so stupid, she thought Delta Airlines was a sorority.

Yo momma's so stupid, when she saw the "NC-17" sign, she went home and
got 16 friends.

Yo momma's so stupid, she called the 7-11 to see when they closed.

Yo momma's so stupid, when she heard 90% of all accidents occur around
the home, she moved.

Yo momma's so stupid, she got fired from a blow-job.

Yo momma's so stupid, she asked you what the number for 911 was.

Yo momma's so stupid, she thinks Christmas Wrap is Snoop Doggy Dogg's
holiday album.

Yo momma's so stupid, she bought a video camera to record cable TV
shows at home.

Yo momma's so stupid, I saw her standing on an empty bus.

Yo momma's so stupid, her brain cells are on the endangered species
list.

Yo momma's so stupid, her brain cells die alone.

Yo momma's so stupid, it take her 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes.

Yo momma's so stupid, it take her a day to cook a 3 minute egg.

Yo momma's so stupid, it take her a half hour to make minute rice.

Yo momma's so stupid, it take her a month to get rid of the 7 day
itch.

Yo momma's so stupid, it take her a week to get rid of a 24 hour
virus.

Yo momma's so stupid, she asked for a price check at the $1.00 store.

Yo momma's so stupid, she asked for help to use hamburger helper.

Yo momma's so stupid, she asked you what is the number for 911.

Yo momma's so stupid, she bought a solar-powered flashlight!

Yo momma's so stupid, she called Dan Quayle for a spell check.

Yo momma's so stupid, she called a 7-11 to ask when they closed!

Yo momma's so stupid, she called the cocaine hot line to order some.

Yo momma's so stupid, she cooked her own complimentary breakfast.

Yo momma's so stupid, she could trip over a cordless phone!

Yo momma's so stupid, she couldn't read an audio book.

Yo momma's so stupid, she gets lost in thought.

Yo momma's so stupid, she got hit by a cup and told cops she got
mugged.

Yo momma's so stupid, she got hit by a parked car.

Yo momma's so stupid, she got locked in Food Mart and half starved.

Yo momma's so stupid, she got stabbed in a shootout.

Yo momma's so stupid, she got stuck on the escalator for 3 hours.

Yo momma's so stupid, she hears it's chilly outside so she gets a
bowl.

Yo momma's so stupid, she jumped out the window and went up.

Yo momma's so stupid, she returned a puzzle complaining it was broken!

Yo momma's so stupid, she sat on a window ledge thinking she'd get
framed.

Yo momma's so stupid, she saw a sign that said Wet Floor so she did!

Yo momma's so stupid, she sits on the TV and watches the couch!

Yo momma's so stupid, she sold her car for gasoline money!

Yo momma's so stupid, she stepped on a crack and broke her own back.

Yo momma's so stupid, she stole free bread.

Yo momma's so stupid, she thought Fleetwood Mac was a new hamburger at
McDonalds!

Yo momma's so stupid, she thought Johnny Cash was a pay toilet!

Yo momma's so stupid, she thought Lionel Riche was a kid with trians.

Yo momma's so stupid, she thought O.J. Simpson some kind of fruit
juice.

Yo momma's so stupid, she thought Taco Bell was a Mexican phone
company.

Yo momma's so stupid, she thought Taco Bell was where to pay a phone
bill.

Yo momma's so stupid, she thought a hot meal is stolen food.

Yo momma's so stupid, she thought a quarterback was a refund!

Yo momma's so stupid, she thought a quarterback was change.

Yo momma's so stupid, she thought gangrene was another golf course.

Yo momma's so stupid, she thought innuendo was an Italian suppository.

Yo momma's so stupid, she thought manual labor was a Mexican!

Yo momma's so stupid, she thought menopause was a button on the
stereo.

Yo momma's so stupid, she thought she needed a token to get on soul
Train.

Yo momma's so stupid, she thought socialism means partying!

Yo momma's so stupid, she thought softball was a venereal disease!

Yo momma's so stupid, she took a job cutting grass offshore.

Yo momma's so stupid, she took a ruler to bed to see how long she
slept.

Yo momma's so stupid, she took a shower and got brain-washed.

Yo momma's so stupid, she took a spoon to the super bowl.

Yo momma's so stupid, she took a umbrella to see Purple Rain.

Yo momma's so stupid, she took the Pepsi challenge and chose Jif.

Yo momma's so stupid, she tried to commit suicide and jumped off the
curb.

Yo momma's so stupid, she tried to hang herself with a cordless phone.

Yo momma's so stupid, she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical
order!

Yo momma's so stupid, she tripped over a cordless phone!

Yo momma's so stupid, she watches The Three Stooges and takes notes.

Yo momma's so stupid, she went swimming to a car pool.

Yo momma's so stupid, she went to Alpha Beta and asked to buy a vowel.

Yo momma's so stupid, she went to Dodger stadium and drowned in the
waves.

Yo momma's so stupid, she went to a Clippers game to get a hair cut.

Yo momma's so stupid, she went to a Whalers game to see Shamu.

Yo momma's so stupid, she wrote `M, F, sometimes Wed' under
"SEX?"

Yo momma's so stupid, when she saw a sign that said Wet Floor she did!

[hellboy666]

lol took me 3 hours too type all dis enjoy owwww my fingers

[hellboy666]

enjoy ppl!

[-Ski-]

lol menopause on stero hehe

[hellboy666]

ski u like the jokes

[-Ski-]

some are ok i can use um to jone on ppl

[bloodpack]

KIDS IN GRADE SCHOOL THINK FAST...

TEACHER: Why are you late?
WEBSTER: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
WEBSTER: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."

TEACHER: Cindy, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
CINDY: You told me to do it without using tables!

TEACHER: John, how do you spell "crocodile?"
JOHN: K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
JOHN: Maybe it s wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!

TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?
SARAH: H I J K L M no!!
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
SARAH: Yesterday you said it's H to O!

TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America.
GEORGE: Here it is!
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS: George!

TEACHER: Willie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WILLIE: Me!

TEACHER: Tommy, why do you always get so dirty?
TOMMY: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.

TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with "I."
ELLEN: I is...
TEACHER: No, Ellen..... Always say, "I am."
ELLEN: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."

TEACHER: "Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
JOHNNY: "Yes sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time."

TEACHER: "George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree,
but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him?"
JOHNNY: "Because George still had the ax in his hand."

TEACHER: Now, Sam, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SAM: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.

TEACHER: Desmond, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as
your brother's. Did you copy his?
DESMOND: No, teacher, it's the same dog!

TEACHER: What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
PUPIL: A teacher.

[bloodpack]

[quoteost_uid0="hellboy666"]lol took me 3 hours too type all dis enjoy owwww my fingers [/quote]
your fingers hurt because of copy/paste?