Jokes (read em and post em) - If u got a joke post it even if it's dry

[wargun]

Here's another one

An American, Japanese, and a Jamaican are sitting naked in the sauna. Suddenly there is a beeping sound the American presses his forearm and the beeping stops. The others look at him questioningly. "That's my pager," he says. "I have a microchip under the skin of my arm." A few minutes later a phone rings. The Japanese lifts his palm to his ear. When he finishes he explains, "That's my mobile phone. I have a microchip in my hand." The Jamaican, feeling decidedly low-tech but not to be outdone, decides he has to do something just as impressive. He steps out of the sauna and goes to the toilet. He returns with a piece of toilet paper hanging from his butt. The others raise their eyebrows, "Wow! What's that?" He proudly replies, "Oh dat..... is a fax mi a get."

[azncat]

eww thats nasty and funny o.0

[Shinatsu]

What did the vampire say to will smith?
-WOw u have a head, (drumroll)

What did the cow say to the cornflake?
-Ain't got no milk for you, (drumroll)
-(Absolutely hilarious) :laughlong:

[Elena]

[quoteost_uid0="wargun"]Here's another one

An American, Japanese, and a Jamaican are sitting naked in the sauna. Suddenly there is a beeping sound the American presses his forearm and the beeping stops. The others look at him questioningly. "That's my pager," he says. "I have a microchip under the skin of my arm." A few minutes later a phone rings. The Japanese lifts his palm to his ear. When he finishes he explains, "That's my mobile phone. I have a microchip in my hand." The Jamaican, feeling decidedly low-tech but not to be outdone, decides he has to do something just as impressive. He steps out of the sauna and goes to the toilet. He returns with a piece of toilet paper hanging from his butt. The others raise their eyebrows, "Wow! What's that?" He proudly replies, "Oh dat..... is a fax mi a get."[/quote]
lol but Jamacians don't talk like that..."O dat..it's me fax me got"...

Here's one it's a blond joke...
A blond was driving along a country road, listening to the radio. The D.J. was telling blonde jokes one after the other, and she got extremly pissed off and turned of the radio.
She continued down the road, and in a field she saw another blond in a canoe trying to row across the field. She stopped and got out of the car, and yelled across to the other blond, "It's Blondes like you who make everyone think I'm stupid. If I could swim, I'd come out there and give you a piece of my mind!"


Yo momma is so fat, that every time you smack her butt, you can ride the waves!

One day a man walked in a bar with a box. He sat down, opened the box and out popped a leprechaun. The man told the bartender, "I want a pint of beer and a shot of whiskey for my buddy here."
There was man sitting at the end of the bar watching all of this and, after the leprechaun drank his shot of whiskey, he ran down to the end of the bar and spit in the guy's face. Then he ran back.

The guy with the box said, "I'll have another beer and a shot of whiskey for my buddy here."

After the leprechaun drank his shot of whiskey, he again ran to the end of the bar and spit in the man's face, then dashed back.

The guy with the box ordered another beer for himself and another shot for the leprechaun. Again, the after the leprechaun drank his shot of whiskey, he ran down to the end of the bar. But this time the man was waiting for him and he grabbed the leprechaun and held him in the air.

He said, "If you spit in my face again, I'm going to cut your pecker off."

The leprechaun laughed and said, "Leprechauns don't have peckers."

Then the man said, "If you don't have peckers, then how do you pee?"

"By spitting," said the leprechaun



Edited By Elena on April 13 2004 at 19:59

Calo Is Out Of Jokes Today But I Will Have Some At A Later Time

[azncat]

[quoteost_uid0="m0u5y"]ok here it goes

if a shipment is in a truck, cargo is in a ship... what's in a plane?

uh i guess its not a joke lol[/quote]
is it passengers?

[RedEyedWolfen]

A Man Goes To A Pharmacy Waitting Untill he Got To The Front,Staring Down He Looks Up At The Guy and Smiles,"I need Three Pills Of Viagra."

The Doctor Stares At Him For A Moment And Raises A Brow,"What For I Dont Think I Can Give That Much."

The Guy Smiles Even Wider,""Well My Wife, Girl Friend, and Ex-Lover Are Coming One And I Want To Satisfy All of Them."

The Doctor Nods And Hands Him The Pills Mumbling,"Please Come Back When Your Done So I Can make Sure You Arent Hurt."

The Guy Comes In Three Days Later His Arm In A Sling And Neck Sore Frowning.

The Doctor Takes His Arm And Checks It Out Staring Up At the Men,"What Happened!?!"

The Guy Sighs Looking Him In The Face And Mumbling,"No one Showed Up...."



Edited By RedEyedWolfen on April 14 2004 at 18:21

[LEESTAR77]

[quoteost_uid0="azncat"]i got no joke but ill try...
what is hard and pink and goes in and comes out wet soft and still pink?
its a riddle try answerin[/quote]
um...chewing on a pencil eraser? :vampv:

how do you keep a dumb blonde busy?
1) give them 100 bottles of shampoo that say "rinse and repeat"
2) put them in a circle and tell them to find a corner
3) put a bottle of orange juice in front of them that says "concentrate"

that's old......

[wargun]

I know u missed my jokes so here's another one

A young man once saw another man selling fruit in a town
The next day the young man saw the same man driving a BMW
The young man becoming jealous wanted a nice car too

So the young man went out and ate alot of fruit
that night he3 went home and #### in the toilet
He looked at the #### and saw that it looked good
He then took the #### and seasoned it and prepared it
He placed it in a jar and ran around screaming "I have the medicine"

He got to a church and screamed again "I have the medicine"
The priest who was there told the young man that he was disrupting the service
But the young man still screamed "I have the medicine"
The priest becoming fed up asked "Well what does this medicine do"

The man replied it clears your throat
it makes you speak the truth
and it gives you long long memory

The priest thought
if it clears my throat the whole church will be able to hear me
if it makes me speak the truth i can never tell a lie
and if i have long long memory then i'll be able to remember the whole bible

The priest then asked "How much is it"
The man being extremely greedy replied $50,000.00 for a teaspoon
and $500,000.00 for a jar.
The priest then emptied all the collection baskets and got the money

he baught 1 teaspoon and began coughing
the man replied that's right brother clear your throat
the priest then said This tastes like human feaces
the man replied again that's right brother speak the truth
The priest then told the man I'll never ever forget you for this
the man knwing that his medicine worked said That's right brother have long long memory
:biggrin: :biggrin: :biggrin: :biggrin: :biggrin:



Edited By wargun on April 17 2004 at 12:40

[wargun]

OK this one is a bit dry but here goes

A man was in an acciden and needed was badly beat up

He had to have an operation in which he needed more skin to cover up his face

after the operation a lady he had never seen before walked into his room

he asked her who she was

she replied she was the person that donated skin for his operation

the man then said ohh I wanted to meet you and I have a question

The lady said well what is your question

the man said where did you take the skin which you gave me

the lady paused for a moment and then replied from my but

The man said ohhhhhhh No wonder my face feels like it's sitting down