Immigration woes - True story!

[Warmor]

The flood of American liberals sneaking across the
border into Canada has intensified in the past week,
sparking calls for increased patrols to stop the illegal
immigration. The re-election of President bush is prompting
this exodus among left leaning citizens who fear they'll
soon be required to hunt, pray and agree with Bill
O'Reilly.

Canadian border farmers say it's not uncommon to see
dozens of sociology professors, animal rights activists
and Unitarians crossing their fields at night. "I went
out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a
Hollywood producer huddled in the barn," said Manitoba
farmer Red Greenfield, whose acreage borders North
Dakota. The producer was cold, exhausted and hungry.
"He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range
chicken. When I said I didn't have any, he left. Didn't
even get a chance to show him my screenplay, eh?" In
an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected
higher fences, but the liberals scaled them. So he
tried installing speakers that blare Rush Limbaugh
across the fields. "Not real effective," he said. "The
liberals still got through and Rush annoyed the cows
so much they wouldn't give milk." Officials are particularly
concerned about smugglers who meet liberals near the
Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station wagons,
drive them across the border and leave them to fend
for themselves. "A lot of these people are not prepared
to rugged conditions," an Ontario border patrolman
said.

"I found one carload without a drop of drinking water.
They did have a nice little Napa Valley cabernet, though."
When liberals are caught, they're sent back across
the border, often wailing loudly that they fear retribution
from the conservatives. Rumors have been circulating
about the bush administration establishing re-education
camps in which liberals will be forced to drink domestic
beer and watch NASCAR.

In the days since the election, liberals have turned
to sometimes ingenious ways of crossing the border.
Some have taken to posing as senior citizens on bus
trips to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After
catching a half-dozen young vegans disguised in powdered
wigs, Canadian immigration authorities began stopping
buses and quizzing the supposed senior-citizen passengers.
"If they can't identify the accordion player on The
Lawrence Welk Show, we get suspicious about their age,"
an official said.

Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal
immigrants are creating an organic-broccoli shortage
and renting all the good Susan Sarandon movies.

"I feel sorry for the American liberals, but the Canadian
economy just can't support them," an Ottawa resident
said. "how many art-history majors does one country
need?" In an effort to ease tensions between the United
States and Canada Vice President Dick Cheney met with
the Canadian ambassador and pledged the administration
would take steps to reassure liberals, a source close
to Cheney said.

"We're going to have some Peter, Paul & Mary concerts.
And we might put some endangered species on postage
stamps. The President is determined to reach out."