more jokes
christmas onliners
Q. What's red and white and gives presents to good little fish on
Christmas?
A. Sandy Claws.
Q. Why does Santa have 3 gardens?
A. So he can ho-ho-ho.
Q. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A. Frostbite.
Q. What's red and white and gives presents to good little fish on
Christmas?
A. Sandy Claws.
Q. Why does Santa have 3 gardens?
A. So he can ho-ho-ho.
Q. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A. Frostbite.
Q. Why was Santa's little helper depressed?
A. Because he had low elf esteem.
Q. What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper?
A. Ribbon hood.
Q. What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
A. Claustrophobic.
Q. What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
A. Snowflakes.
Q. Why did the little girl change her mind about buying her
grandmother a packet od handkerchiefs for Christmas?
A. She said "I could not work out what size her nose was!
Q. What was so good about he neurotic doll the girl was given for
Christmas?
A. It was wound up already.
Q. What was wrong with the boy's brand new toy electric train set he
received for Christmas?
A. Forty feet of track - all straight!
Black One-liners
Q: What happens when you stick you hand in a jar of jellybeans?
A: The black ones steal your watch.
Q: How do you start a black parade?
A: Roll a 40 down the street.
Q: Why do blacks burry their dead upside down?
A: Use em as bike racks.
Q: How did they improve the transportation in harlem?
A: Move the trees closer together.
Q: What did the black girl say while having sex?
A: Dad get off me your crushing my ciggs.
Q: Why are black people like jelly beans?
A: No one likes the black ones.
Q: What do you call a school bus full of black people?
A: A rotten banana
Q: What was the only thing missing from the million man march?
A. An auctionner
Q: How long does it take a black lady to poop?
A: 9 months.
Q: What do you call 100 black guys baried from the neck down?
A: Afroturf.
Q: Why are niggers afried of lawnmovers?
A: Beacuse it gose run nigger nigger run.
Q: What does a black person and a apple have in common?
A: They both look good hanging from a tree.
Q: What do you call a barn full of blacks?
A: Antique farm equipment.
Q: What do u call a black priest?
A: Holy poop
Q: What does the BFI on the dumpsters stand for?
A: Black Family Inside
Q: Have you ever seen a black person on the jetsons?
A: NO. Looks like a good future doesn't it?
Q: What do you call a black person in a three piece suit?
A: Will the defendent please rise.
Q: What do u do when your sitting in the dark and your tv starts to
float?
A: You turn on the lights and shoot the black people.
Q: What do you call 20,000 black people at the bottom of the ocean?
A: A good start.
Q: What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead
nigger in the road?
A: There's skid marks in front of the skunk.
Q: How can you tell if a blonde has been on the computer?
A: There is tipex on the screen.
Q: How can you tell if she has been on again?
A: She has left cheese for the mouse.
Q: Why are black people so good at Basketball?
A: Cause all you have to do is RUN ... SHOOT ... and STEAL
Q: What do you do if you see a black man flopping around on the
ground?
A: Stop laughing and reload
Q: What Do You call Mike Tyson if he has no arms or legs?
A: Nigger, Nigger, Nigger!!!!
Q: What do you call a group of blacks in the ocean?
A: An oil spill
Q: What do you call a pool full of black kids?
A: Cocoa puffs
Q: What do you call a 80 year old black guy?
A: Antique farm equipment.
Q: Why do police dogs lick their balls?
A: To get the taste of black out of thier mouths
blonde jokes
Q: What do you call an eternity?
A: Four Blondes in four cars at a four way stop.
Q: Why do Blondes have TGIF written on their shoes?
A: Toes Go In First.
Three Blondes were driving to Disneyland. After being in the car for
four
hours they finally saw a sign that said "Disneyland "Left", so they
turned around and went home.
Q: What do SMART Blondes and UFO's have in common?
A: You always hear about them but never see them.
Q: What did the Blonde say when she opened the box of Cheerios?
A: Oh look, Daddy...Doughnut seeds.
Q: Why did the Blonde stare at the can of frozen orange juice?
A: Because it said concentrate.
Q: Why do blondes always smile during lightning storms?
A: They think their picture is being taken.
Q: How can you tell when a Blonde sends you a fax?
A: It has a stamp on it.
Q: Why can't Blondes dial 911?
A: They can't find the 11 on the phone!
Q: What do you do if a Blonde throws a pin at you?
A: Run, she's got a grenade in her mouth!
Q: How can you tell if a Blonde has been using your computer?
A: There is white-out all over the monitor.
Q: Why shouldn't Blondes have coffee breaks?
A: It takes too long to retrain them.
A Blonde and a brunette were walking outside when the brunette said,
"Oh
look at the dead bird." The Blonde looked skyward and said, "Where,
where?"
Q: How do you drown a Blonde?
A: Put a scratch & sniff sticker at the bottom of the pool.
Q: Why does it take longer to build a Blonde snowman as opposed to a
regular one?
A: You have to hollow out the head.
Q: How do you get a twinkle in a Blonde's eye?
A: Shine a flashlight in her ear.
Q: Hear about the blonde that got an AM radio?
A: It took her a month to realize she could play it at night.
Q: What happened to the blonde Ice Hockey Team?
A: They drowned in Spring Training.
Q: What did the blonde say when she saw the sign in front of the YMCA?
A: "Look! They spelled MACY'S wrong!"
Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
A: Tell her joke on Wednesday.
Q: What's a blonde and a postage stamp got in common.
A: Lick Em, Stick Em, Send Em
Q: How can you tell if a blonde has been on the computer?
A: There is tipex on the screen.
Q: How can you tell if she has been on again?
A: She has left cheese for the mouse.
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