Who do I love thats simple.(I've taken my medicine and I can think clearily)
I love this girl Rica.....I love her more than air and it took......tell yesterday to realize that.
What's so messed up is I asked her to be friends instead of my girlfriend online because I didn't believe in online relationships after Joyti dumped me. So I'm leaving for JOB corp this summer and she's going to be all successful she's going to be in her senior year next year...I'm very proud of her, And I felt that to continue our relationship would only hurt her...so I wanted to be friends.(I love her so much I didn't want to hurt her)
I never knew how serious she loved me. Well she loves me like I guess alot more than the boys around her..and I've never had a girl care for me that much. I know what she looks like and heck we've had our arguements,but she has always been my fit A-game girl.
I think I said something to her like that because I didn't take my medicine because when I don't take my medicine..I become irratiable. So she ended everything. It's over. She probally doesn't want to be my friend, and I keep hurting her....without really wanting to hurt her but I love her so much.
It's crazy you know I never had a girl bluntily say she cared about me the way she did.....if I lose her I might hurt myself.....and I think there is no way to get her back,
If she only knew the reason I felt that way was because when we went together....there was this guy named matt who she kissed and actaully when we started our relationship she was sorta going with him already,and even though she said she loved me...I always took it in a friendily way even though I did like her more than a friend I just thought I was a secoundary guy to her.
Well when we broke up before I made up with her and asked her out.....but I never really told her what was wrong I just didn't want to lose her. Shortily later I explained to her way things didn't work out with that guy matt....even though I didn't like the idea that she kissed him.She even told me she still had feelings for me. It hurted me real bad the first time she kissed him....but I knew she was happy.....and that made me feel good....so I looked at out relationship as a friendship...like I was just a sweet guy she talked to on the PC.
When she actually went and told matt how she felt about him when WE WERE together that hurt like poop but I never told her,but I just ignored that and just stayed happy for her......because in away I felt if she was happy I was happy even if it wasn't with me.
So I started to get the idea that. Maybe we should just be friends....because a relationship in which the guy and girl still date isn't a relationship....it's a FRIENDSHIP with BENEFITS.
So....I'm confused.....I need to talk to her....rationally now....but she wont let me try to fix...this she's scaried I might hurt her again.......because I brought this up before I which I had said everything I wanted to say the first time....I want it to go back to the way it was....I wanted you back RICA....forgive me.....=/ :eh:
Edited By SBYRD5 on Jan. 06 2004 at 18:23
|