Three women are about to be executed for crimes. One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde.

Two guards brings the brunette forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."

Suddenly the brunette yells, "earthquake!!" Everyone is startled and looks around. She manages to escape.

The angry guards then bring the redhead forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."

The redhead then screams, "tornado!!" Yet again, everyone is startled and looks around. She too escapes execution.

By this point, the blonde had figured out what the others did. The guards bring her forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She also says no, and the executioner shouts, Ready . . . Aim . . ."

The blonde shouts, "fire!!"

A dumb blonde was standing in front of a soda machine outside of a local store. After putting in sixty cents, a root beer pops out of the machine. She set it on the ground, puts sixty more cents into the machine, and pushes another button; suddenly, a coke comes out the machine!

She continued to do this until a man waiting to use the machine became impatient. "Excuse me, can I get my soda and then you can go back to whatever stupid thing you are doing?"

The blonde turns around and says, "Yeah right! I'm not giving up this machine while I'm still winning!"

hahaha lol, it would of been best to include both of those jokes in the some post.

A Blonde, Brunette, And RedHead Go To A Bar. They all enter the washroom. In The washroom is a magical mirror. It Says U Get 1 Wish but if it isn't true, you will be vanished.

So the redhead says " I Think I Wanna Be Prettier" She Walks out prettier than before.

The brunette says " I think I Wanna Be Smarter" She walks out smarter than before.

The Blonde says " I Think..." And she gets vanished!!!

For those of you that don't understand it the joke is because blondes are to dumb to think!!! LMAO :cool:

Yo mama so lazy she's got a remote control just to operate her remote

You might be a redneck if...

More than one living relative is named after a Southern Civil War general.

You think the stock market has a fence around it.

You think the O.J. trial was the big Sunkist and Minutemaid taste test.

You've ever lost a loved one to kudzu.

Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.

Your front porch collapses and kills more than three dogs.

Your coffee table used to be a telephone cable spool.

You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.

You've ever used a toilet seat as a picture frame.

Your home has more miles on it than your car.

Your Family is so poor, For Christmas They got You a Video Of Other Kids Getting Presents. LMAO I LOVE THAT 1!!! :biggrin:

um uh, your momma's so stupid she sat on the tv and watched the couch.

Here's how you now if you might be a redneck

If you own a home that is moble and 14 cars that aren't
you might be a redneck

If the most common phrase herd in you house is "somebody go jiggle the handel!"you might be a redneck

If you've been maried 3 times and still have the same in laws you might be a redneck


If your lawn furnature use to be your living room furniture you might be a redneck

If your dog passes gas and you claim it you might be a redneck

If your wife has ever said "come move this transmision so I can take a bath!"you might be a redneck


If your grandmother can properly exacute the sleeper hold you might be a redneck

If your underwear doubles as your bathing suit (a little finger pointing going on now :biggrin:you might be a redneck

If you own a waffle house credit card you might be a redneck

If you refer to your wife and your mother-in-law as duel air bags you might be a redneck

If you've ever bin accused of lieing threw your tooth you might be a redneck

If you think the nutcracker is something you did off the high dive you might be a redneck


If you get hot flashes at a cattle oction you might be a redneck

If you wear a dress that is strapless with a bra that isn't you might be a redneck

If someone hollers hoedown! and your girl friend hits the floor you might be a redneck.

lmao, Jeff Foxworthy, i used to have the cd that had all those redneck jokes in it, fyi my dad loves him (not in a gay way).