Who here is very funny? - I see that there aint a joke section

[DA_VIPA]

sup all i want u funny ppl 2 post bout funny things on tv/movies etc and jokes u heard from ur family or frineds they can be dirty if that werks for u but lets try 2 keep them as clean as possible (or has this topic already been done?)

[SBYRD5]

Umm ok my banner is funny.... :lookaround:

[DA_VIPA]

lol yea nice1 keep em comin :D

[SiLent_BoB]

ok i got 2

#1 how does saddam pratice safe sex? answer: he marks all the camels that kick.(drum solo) :laugh:

#2 how do you piss off a female archiologist? answer: give her a tampon and ask her what period it came from. :laugh:

[DA_VIPA]

lmao!! gud 1 heres 1

kid:mom
mom:whats wrong hunnie
kid:i have a confession 2 make
mom:whats wrong dear?
kid:i had sex with my teacher
mom:U DID WHAT!! go 2 your room lets see what your father has 2 say about this!!
(in kids room)
dad:hi son
kid:hi dad
dad:so i heard u had sex with your teacher?
kid:yes dad
dad:was it good sex?
kid:yea dad
dad:was it a blonde?
kid:yea dad
dad:.........ATTA BOY!! im so proud of u!! im gona buy u a brand new bike!!
kid:not right now pop my ass is still hurtin

[SolidSnake76]

u pple are more twisted than R. Kelly surrounded by a bunch of little girls.

[G_GUNDAM]

ha ha snake (-__-)

here is a little diss.

Shut up hoe. I would of been your dad but the dog beat me to your mom.

[Sportschick155]

lol um...right :)

[SBYRD5]

http://www.gamerz232.org/images/Arguing.jpg
I know alot members of this community that would win that race.....

[SUPER_STORM]

YO mama iz sooo fat dat she fell in da grand canyon and got stuck :buttrock:

[SolidSnake76]

YO mama iz sooo fat dat she fell in da grand canyon and got stuck :buttrock:
that is so old.

these little heffas develop faster than kodak.

[G_GUNDAM]

how do u get five black people from raping a woman???

throw them a basketball. lol (and no im not racist. i told this joke cause i am black. so dont flame me)

[DA_VIPA]

lets keep the racist jokes 2 our selves ppl (kkk is here 2 stay!! lol j.k)

[MasterX05]

Yo mama is so fat after having sex with her, I rolled over twice and I was still on top of the fat B####. :D j/k

[Sportschick155]

the momma jokes suck now :/ say something eles funny hey i know...this is pretty damn funny...here...I GOT MY FINGER STUCK IN A LAWN MOWER...no jokes >.<

[Sportschick155]

http://www.humournet.co.uk/Images/funny_pic09.jpg

[SolidSnake76]

a husband and wife take a drive through the park.

husband: lets go to the spot where i prorposed and see if they removed the crime secne tape.

it was from the lockhorn's comic strip, if anyone reads it.

[DA_VIPA]

lol sports :laugh: who here seen scary move 1/2? *ray!*
*fu,cked me!!*
*ray!!*
*fu,cked me!*
*RAY FU,CKED ME!!* lol the 'dude whers my car part*

[MasterX05]

oh yea the tattoos on thier backs in scary movie 2

[anz_boi34]

my comtputer

[Elena]

Anz_boi make ur banner smaller.

And heres a diss:
Ur teeth are so yellow when you went to go see a movie and smiled ppl started to tell you to turn off the light.

And some jokes:
Your mommas she walked out with high heels and came back with flip-flops.
Your momma so dark when she put on some orange lipstick ppl thought she was a cheeseburger. :laughlong: does that sound racist to you?? if so. sorry.

[Nas]

that last 1 was great :D

[machine1]

theres a girl at a beach. she has no arms and no legs. a dude comes by and sees her crying. he asks her "why are y crying?" She says "icnever had a conversation with anyone before. "
So the man made a conversation with her. The next day the man goes back and sees her crying even more. He asks her "Why are u crying?" She saysc" I never been kissed before." So the man kisses her.

The next day the man goes back and she's still crying. He asks her "why are u crying?" She says i never been f**k** before. So the man picks her up, throws her in the ocean, and says "There now you're f**k**!"

[asshole]

I've heard all the Jokes before, besides DA_VIPAs, with the Teacher thing. And my two fav. from those are: Vipas' and machine1s' recent one!
LMFAO!!!


Oh and here are two to get me started:
#1
Dad: Son, you need a Hobby, keep THAT up and you'll go blind!

#2
Dad: Son, you SERIOUSLY have to StoP doing that, or you're gonna get Blind someday.
Son: Yo Dad, I'm over here!!

( You have to "GET" them before you laugh! )

[machine1]

im not sure i understand ...was the dad talking to his d*** or something?

[Nas]

yeah,me 2 ???

[Elena]

I think the dad himself is blind.
Oh and hears another joke:
Y did the bald man cut holes in his pocket?


Because he wanted to run his fingers thur his hair.

[machine1]

I think the dad himself is blind.
That's it.. the father is blind.. cant believe i didnt figure that out

[MasterX05]

I think the dad himself is blind.
Oh and hears another joke:
Y did the bald man cut holes in his pocket?


Because he wanted to run his fingers thur his hair.
u sick lil girl :laughlong:

[SBYRD5]

I think it has something to do with masterbation(Don't ask) or the dad is blind already.

Listen..this flash I saved for emergencies....the laughter is to amazing...you will be shocked....but you will laugh so hard you might...die from laughter.Check it out...

http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view.php?id=77944

HAHAHA BLAMMO!!!!!!!!! I MIGHT GET BANNED FOR THIS...BUT THE LAUGHTER IS WORTH IT!!!!!!!

[SolidSnake76]

well.......that was......................nice.

[Sportschick155]

strange...lol whoa im such an idiot i hadnt realized u copied almost the same banner as i have :/ damn im blind :p

[RYU~AKUMA]

good jokes

[Irrelevant]

3 guys were lost in the desert when they came to an uncrossable canyon, with an oasis on the other side. They were pretty angry about this, so started shouting & swearing.

The noise woke up a genie that was sleeping on the bottom of the canyon. He agreed to let them cross if they trusted him, & to prove their trust they had to jump into the canyon & shout out the name of something. Whatever they shouted would appear & carry them across the canyon.

The 1st guy jumped, & shouted "Eagle!". A golden eagle appeared & carried him across the canyon on it's back.

The 2nd guy was a bit adventurous, so as he jumped he shouted "Whirlwind!". Sure enough, a small tornado appeared & swept him across the canyon.

The 3rd guy was really scared, & as he was jumping, he panicked & yelled "Oh sh&%!!".


:laughlong:

[DA_VIPA]

lmao off ppl we gettin some great jokes heres 1 ..

A recently divorced woman is walking along the beach contemplating how badly treated she got over the divorce settlement, when she spies a magic lamp washing up onshore. She rubs the lamp, and out pops a magical genie!!
The genie notices her anger and lets her vent her troubles to him. As a consolation, the genie informs her that he will give her three wishes. But, he cautions her that because he does not believe in divorce, he will give her ex-husband ten times the amount of whatever she wishes.
The woman is steaming mad, thinking that this is hardly fair, but she makes her first wish. The first wish was for a billion dollars. The genie grants her wish and she finds herself sitting in pile of one billion one-dollar bills. The genie then reminds her that her husband is now the recipient of 10 billion dollars.
The woman can barely contain her anger when she makes her second wish. The second wish was for a beautiful mansion on the shore of her own private beach. In an instant it was granted, but the genie then reminds again that her ex-husband now owns ten of what she wished for, and points out at the beach to a small development of ten such mansions.
Upon hearing this, the woman takes her time to contemplate her last wish. Just as the genie was about to give up on her, the woman informs the genie that she wants to make the last wish. But, before she can do this, the genie again warns her that her ex-husband will get ten times what she wishes for.
"No problem," said the woman as she grinned in ecstasy. "For my last wish...I'd like to give birth to twins."

[Unknown666]

Everyone's Mama can kiss my ass. Now that's funny, Muahahahahah.. can't....brea..th... haha..uha.aark...ark.kkk. ukk...oy... :shocked:

[DA_VIPA]

Q: What are three words you dread the most while making love?

A: "Honey, I'm home."

[SolidSnake76]

Everyone's Mama can kiss my ass. Now that's funny, Muahahahahah.. can't....brea..th... haha..uha.aark...ark.kkk. ukk...oy... :shocked:
u just killed everything.

[DA_VIPA]

snake thers always a dumbass that aint funny i guess we found him :laugh:

[_-_Diablo_-_]

This is a dis
some1 is cursing at u 1st u let him finish after he/she's done u say

''U can call me anything u want eccept *persons name*''
;)

[DA_VIPA]

i dont get it.....but im here 2 save da day with anotha joke(yay!)


It was little Johnny's first day in a new school, so his father looked up the teacher. He told her that little Johnny was a good kid but that he was an avid gambler. He warned her that little Johnny might win lunch money from the other kids if he was not watched closely.
The teacher did not seem disturbed, assured the father that she had handled many such problems and was very capable of taking care of little Johnny's urge to gamble.
Shortly after lunch, the father called the teacher and asked her how things were going.
"Oh, everything is going very well." She said. "I think I may have cured little Johnny of his gambling habit."
The father asked her what had happened.
"The little tyke absolutely insisted on betting me ten dollars that I had a mole on my rear." She said. "I finally agreed to the bet and took him to the teacher's lounge to show him that I had no mole."
"Damn!" The father said. "He bet me fifty dollars this morning that he would see the teacher's ass before the day was over."

[coolplayer2K2]

heres a joke kinda my friend jager told me no jagger but jager.

mommy can i come in the shower with u.no.plz.ok.
mommy whats that.thats a garage honey.
daddy can i come in the shower with u.no.plz.ok.
daddy whats that.thats a car honey
mommy and daddy can i sleep with u.no.plz.ok
mommy whats that?thats a car going inside the garage.

ok not a joke eh more like sometin to do with porn but heres a joke.

yo momma is so dum when the plane sign said Left and a arrow pointing left she though the plane left so when home.

another one.

y is a stone so heavy.bc its one "ton:

[MasterX05]

I got one like yours coolplayer my friends always said jokes like that when we were lil.
kid: Mom can I take a shower with u
Mom: ok but u cant look up or down
(in the shower the kid looks up)
Kid: mommy whats that
Mom: uh my head light's
(kid looks down)
Kid:Mommy whats that
Mom: uh my grass

Kid: Daddy can I take a shower with u
Dad: ok but u cant look down
(kid look's down)
kid:Daddy whats that
Dad:umm my snake
the child walks in his parents bedroom and screams
kid:MOMMY their is a snake in your grass turn your headlights on!

[G_GUNDAM]

here is an old school joke.

its called a hard life.

**ok there was a carrot, some lettuce, and a dick. the lettuce says, i have a hard life. my master puts me in a cold box. then he breaks a peacee of me and eats me in a sandwich. the carrot says, i have a hard life. my master gets a knife and cuts me into some hot boiling water. then the dick says, i have the hardest life. my master puts this tight rubber suit on and puts me in a wet dark cave. then he makes me do push ups untill i throw up.**

i thought it was funny :laughlong:

[Strider42]

Some1 told me this joke. I dunno what was wrong with her but this joke sounds funny though.

Yo daddy is so bald, when he wears a turtleneck he looks like a broken condom.

Or this 1

Yo mama's so big. fat and clumsy, when she tried to get to Walmart, she stumbled over K-Mart and landed right on Target.
hilarious

I'm sure you heard of those stores.

[Strider42]

Or this 1,

There is a MASTER around here

But his real name is BATER

Put those two words in caps together and see what you come up with.... :laughlong:

[coolplayer2K2]

lol strider ur back neways that waz funny master heres another one

oh wait i dont got another one

[DA_VIPA]

lol really nice jokes/disses ppl...

One day a construction worker left the job a little early, and when he got home he found his wife in bed with another man. Purple with rage, he hauled the man down the stairs and into the garage where he proceeded to secure his dick in a vice.
Utterly terrified, the man screamed, "Stop, stop! you're not going to cut it off, are you? ARE YOU?"
"Nope," replied the construction worker, "You are...I'm going to set the garage on fire."

[DA_VIPA]

fine thats real great make me double post and fell like a #### damn ppl if wasnt funny u could at least laugh at my jokes :(
but none the less the show must go on...

A guy walks into an elevator and stands next to a beautiful woman. After a few minutes he turns to her and says, "Can I smell your #####?"
The woman looks at him in disgust and says, "Certainly not!"
"Hmmm," he replies. "It must be your feet, then."

[coolplayer2K2]

lol :lol: :laughlong:

[DA_VIPA]

thank you thank you! *bows and receives mountains of money*

its very touching coz when i told my friends that i was gona become a comedian they all laughed!.

Steve is shopping for a new motorcycle. He finally finds one for a great price, but it's missing a seal, so whenever it rains he has to smear vaseline over the spot where the seal should be.
Anyway, his girlfriend is having him over for dinner to meet her parents. He drives his new bike to her house, where she is outside waiting for him.
"No matter what happens at dinner tonight, don't say a word." She tells him, "Our family had a fight a while ago about doing dishes. We haven't done any since, but the first person to speak at dinner has to do them."
Steve sits down for dinner and it is just how she described it. Dishes are piled up to the ceiling in the kitchen, and nobody is saying a word. So Steve decides to have a little fun. He grabs his girlfriend, throws her on the table and has sex with her in front of her parents.
His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is obviously livid, and her mom horrified when he sits back down, but no one says a word. A few minutes later he grabs her mom, throws her on the table and does a repeat performance. Now his girlfriend is furious, her dad is boiling, and her mother is a little happier.
But still there is complete silence at the table. All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder, and it starts to rain. Steve remembers his motorcycle. He jumps up and grabs his jar of vaseline.
Upon witnessing this, his girlfriend's father backs away from the table and screams, "OKAY, ENOUGH ALREADY, I'LL DO THE ####### DISHES"

[Elena]

Lol :laughlong: :laugh:

[Strider42]

ok check this out

a-t-t-i-c
Spell this word. Try to say it really fast and see what you come up with. Please get this 1

Or this 1

Do you know what a therapist is?
You'd say "a therapist is like a psychologist"
ahem you are wrong.
Look at the word therapist again.
It really says The Rapist.

[coolplayer2K2]

lol the rapist but i still dont get the attic

[DA_VIPA]

Q: What does a tornado and a redneck divorce have in common?

A: Somebody's gonna lose a trailer!

can any1 tell me how 2 put pics from my harddrive in2 my posts?

[SolidSnake76]

ever heard of the story of little johnny?

little johnny and his mother were walking through the park and they saw to pple having sex

johnny: mommy, what are those pple doing?
mom: um.........baking a cake. now c'mon honey.

later on at home mommy and daddy were having sex. after that little johnny came down to the living room and said:

johnny: i know u 2 were baking a cake cause i licked the frosting.

[coolplayer2K2]

HAHAHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :lol:

[MasterX05]

thank you thank you! *bows and receives mountains of money*

its very touching coz when i told my friends that i was gona become a comedian they all laughed!.

Steve is shopping for a new motorcycle. He finally finds one for a great price, but it's missing a seal, so whenever it rains he has to smear vaseline over the spot where the seal should be.
Anyway, his girlfriend is having him over for dinner to meet her parents. He drives his new bike to her house, where she is outside waiting for him.
"No matter what happens at dinner tonight, don't say a word." She tells him, "Our family had a fight a while ago about doing dishes. We haven't done any since, but the first person to speak at dinner has to do them."
Steve sits down for dinner and it is just how she described it. Dishes are piled up to the ceiling in the kitchen, and nobody is saying a word. So Steve decides to have a little fun. He grabs his girlfriend, throws her on the table and has sex with her in front of her parents.
His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is obviously livid, and her mom horrified when he sits back down, but no one says a word. A few minutes later he grabs her mom, throws her on the table and does a repeat performance. Now his girlfriend is furious, her dad is boiling, and her mother is a little happier.
But still there is complete silence at the table. All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder, and it starts to rain. Steve remembers his motorcycle. He jumps up and grabs his jar of vaseline.
Upon witnessing this, his girlfriend's father backs away from the table and screams, "OKAY, ENOUGH ALREADY, I'LL DO THE ####### DISHES"
Good one vipa :D Say a-t-t-i-c out loud to yourself

[coolplayer2K2]

ahh i dont get it attic attic attic attic attic attic haaaaa

[MasterX05]

*sighs* if u say it it will sound liike u said A titte I see

[coolplayer2K2]

lol sorry i forgot atiti i c so what is that suppuse to mean

[SolidSnake76]

breast, melons, jugs, puppies, the big ku-ho-nas, boobs,

<span style='font-size:14pt;line-height:100%'>THE 2 BIG THINGS ON A WOMAN U WANT TO FONDLE!!!!!!</span>

[MasterX05]

U never heard of the word tit's?

[SSJKarma]

2 jokes i have seen on a SELLING web site called www.lespac.com at some point !

1 -
selling great car !
mechanics A10
only one or two RUST spot that does about all the car !
ready to give it away in exchange of a working bike !

can't find the other one i was talking about...
so heres what i know !

2 -
BLONDE GIRL:"i want that TV sir !"
SALESMAN:"sorry we don't sell to BLONDE !"
*the blonde goes at home and decide to color her hairs in black then comes back !*
BLONDE:"i want that TV"
SALESMAN:"sorry we don't sell to blonde !"
*very mad, she undergo an entire changes ! new skin, new face, new hairs, new clothes*
BLONDE:"i want that TV"
SALESMAN:"sorry but we don't sell too blonde !"
BLONDE:"i have enough, i did everything to let you know i'm not one, how did you know i was a blonde ?"
SALESMAN:"ma'am, that's because it is not a TV, but a MICROWAVE !"

[SolidSnake76]

well karma, u just proved that blondes are stupid lol.

[Strider42]

*sighs* if u say it it will sound liike u said A titte I see
At least he knows. Thank you Master Bater hahahahahahahaha :D

[MasterX05]

most blondes I know are dimwitted.

[Strider42]

How about the really old jokes. Like this 1

Take your hand and hold on your tongue from moving. Now... say "I live in a pirate ship"

This joke is old so I expect every1 to understand this 1.

[MasterX05]

lol a good classic

[coolplayer2K2]

bloneds are really dum and that i agree with

[DA_VIPA]

hey u better cut the blonde jokes out right diss instance! my girl is blonde....

This couple had been dating for about six months, but the guy had been afraid to make any sexual advances because of his tiny organ.
Finally one night, he gets up his courage, and takes her to a secluded spot in his car.
While they are kissing, he opens his zipper and guides her hand onto his penis.
"No thanks," the girl says. "You know I don't smoke."

[(fighter)]

here is a funny quick movie i tried to get it to flash but it wont work so go to www.themichaelsmith.com link here>

link (www.themichaelsmith.com)

go to animation then click on the car ,the buggy.

[Elena]

Ok i these up sorry if yawl heard it before but here it is:
Ur momma is so slow when someone told her she won a million bucks
She started to run thur the house screaming ahhhhh!!!! stampeed

UR momma is so slow when she went to wal-mart to buy a new bra and they asked her what was her what cup was she went to the Utensil and dinnerware section and said i think im a tea cup. :laughlong: :laugh: :laughlong:

[SolidSnake76]

these no0oobs come to this game faster than fat pple to McDonalds.

[Scorponok]

I am so funny... Ha.... Ha....

[MasterX05]

hey u better cut the blonde jokes out right diss instance! my girl is blonde....

This couple had been dating for about six months, but the guy had been afraid to make any sexual advances because of his tiny organ.
Finally one night, he gets up his courage, and takes her to a secluded spot in his car.
While they are kissing, he opens his zipper and guides her hand onto his penis.
"No thanks," the girl says. "You know I don't smoke."
blonde jokes who said we where joking lol.

[DA_VIPA]

lol w/e man....

A man and his wife go to their honeymoon place for their 25th anniversary.
As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband: "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"
The husband replied: "All I wanted to do was to fu,ck your brains out, and suck your tits dry."
Then, as the wife undressed, she asked: "What are you thinking now?"
He replied: "It looks like I did a pretty good job."

[DA_VIPA]

can som1 plz tell me how 2 get pics from my harddrive in2 my posts!!

[digital~fighter]

yea bro upload the pic's
go to here (http://www.boomspeed.com) and upload it

[DA_VIPA]

bro i tried that it says that its temporaraly unavailable...any way...

A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question. As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast.
They are both quite startled. The man turns to her and says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me."
She replies, "If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 436."



Edited By DA_VIPA on Jan. 30 2003 at 18:37

[Yasback]

hey i'm the funniest guy in this forum!!!

:p

[DA_VIPA]

if that was a joke i'd laugh..but anyway..

A travelling salesman was about to check in at a hotel when he noticed a very charming bit of femininity giving him the eye. In a causal manner he walked over and spoke to her as though he had known her all his life. Both walked back to the desk and registered as Mr. and Mrs.
After a three-day stay he walked up to the desk and informed the clerk that he was checking out. The clerk presented him with his bill for $1600.
"There is a mistake here," he protested. "I have been here only three days."
"Yes," replied the clerk, "But your wife has been here a month."

[DA_VIPA]

u ppl are soo boring man... must i keep double posting??...i have soo many jokes 2 tell u guys but hardly any1 has good jokes for me 2 hear :( lol j.k....

A husband feeling a bit horny goes to the bathroom and returns with 4 aspirin and a glass of water for his wife.
He says, "Here honey, here are some aspirin and a some water."
She replied, "but honey I do not have a headache!"
He replied, "Thank God!"

[Strider42]

Ok here's a lil rhyme I made up

I know this blockhead
yeah you heard me, blockhead
this girl has a blockhead
and she gives the whole blockhead...

Read this as many times as you want until you understand what I'm saying...
;)
Later

[Sportschick155]

Lmfao!!!!!!!! haha i think strider is rhyming about himself again:/

[DA_VIPA]

lol strider :laugh: any1 here watch jackass?...

A woman was shaking out a rug on the balcony of her 17th floor condominium when a sudden gust of wind blew her over the railing. "Damn, that was stupid," she thought as she fell. "What a way to die."
As she passed the 14th floor, a man standing at his railing caught her in his arms.
While she looked at him in disbelieving gratitude, he asked, "Do you suck?"
"No!" she shrieked, aghast.
So, he dropped her.
As she passed the 12th floor, another man reached out and caught her. "Do you screw?" he asked.
"Of course not!" she exclaimed before she could stop herself.
He dropped her, too.
The poor woman prayed to God for one more chance. As luck would have it, she was caught a third time, by a man on the eighth floor. "I suck! I screw!" she screamed in panic.
"Slut!" he said, and dropped her.

[_-_Diablo_-_]

oke u want laugh go 2 This page (http://www.battle-grounds.net/forums/thread.php?threadid=451&boardid=2&styleid=1&sid=54b2a3e847f5bc1c7e87b18889bdc5f3) real good yo mama jokes
:laughlong: :colgate: :laugh: :lol: :biggrin:

[g_t_a_v_i_c_e]

heres 1 i know

yo mama is so fat she put burger king out of stock last night :D

[SSJKarma]

ok that was so damn funny, i'm gonna tell that joke to my parents !

a blonde came from the maket to his car, only to notice someone had bumped it and did a big bump on her door ! a guy who was passing buy in his truck notice it was a blonde and decided to make fun of her !

GUY:"hey, you want to get this bump out of your door right ?"
BLONDE:"yeah !"
GUY:"then blow into the doorlock of the door and it will fix the thing !"
BLONDE:"oh ! thanks a lot !"
the guy was laughing hard when he continued on !
the blonde putted her lips into the doorlock hole and started to blow in it
another blonde came by...
BLONDE2:"oh, you're un-bumping your door ! but you don't blow at the right place, it is in the exaust behind the car that you must blow in !"
BLONDE:"oh, thanks !"
the other blonde leaved the place !
so the blonde putted her mouth on the exaust started to blow in it !
a third blonde passed by and started to laught as hard as she could !
BLONDE:"why are you laughing, you know i'm trying to un-bump my car door !"
BLONDE3:"i know, i know, but you will never suceed ! HAHAHAHHAHA !"
BLONDE:"why is that so ?"
BLONDE3:"HAHAHAHA YOUR WINDOWS ARE OPEN HAHAHAHAHHA"

[Strider42]

Lmfao!!!!!!!! haha i think strider is rhyming about himself again:/
hmmm what if Sports is that blockhead?
Does she really have a blockhead?
Does she really give the whole blockead?

You've got questions?

I've got answers :D

Of Course
I was rhymin about Sports
Who the hell you think was talkin about? :laughlong:
Note: You don't see that symbol "j/k", do ya?

[Sportschick155]

....OH THATS IT BUDDY, IM GONNA SPANK YO ASS!!! lmfao jk ur just plain mean ???

[Strider42]

aww, lighten up and stop taking things so seriously ;)

[Sportschick155]

suck...THAT!---> :buttrock:

[PSYCHO]

:D

[DA_VIPA]

ehem s-t-l dont spam plz but anyway...

A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants.
"Well," he said, "I've been seeing this girl for a while and she's really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's "the" night. We're having dinner with her parents, and then we're going out. And I've got a feeling I'm gonna get lucky after that. Once she's had me, she'll want me all the time, so you'd better give me the 12 pack." The young man makes his purchase and leaves.
Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parents. He asks if he might give the blessing and they agree. He begins the prayer, but continues praying for several minutes. The girl leans over to him and says, "You never told me that you were such a religious person."
The boy leans over to her and whispers, "You never told me that your father is a pharmacist."

[digital~fighter]

lol :lol:
good 1 :laughlong:

[g_t_a_v_i_c_e]

lol good 1 vipa :laughlong:

[PSYCHO]

ehem s-t-l dont spam plz but anyway...
GRRR... :angryfire:

[DA_VIPA]

dont make me report u s-t-l stop spamming here its no good at least come up with a joke or somthing...

A man lies on his deathbed, surrounded by his family: a weeping wife and four children. Three of the children are tall, good looking and athletic; but, the fourth and youngest is an ugly runt.
"Darling wife," the husband whispers, "assure me that the youngest child really is mine. I want to know the truth before I die, I will forgive you if ..."
The wife gently interrupts him. "Yes, my dearest, absolutely, no question, I swear on my mother's grave that you are his father."
The man then dies, happy. The wife mutters under her breath: "Thank God he didn't ask about the other three."

[PSYCHO]

dont make me report u s-t-l stop spamming here its no good at least come up with a joke or somthing...
report me ! ??? im shocked ??? ??? ok i will stop

[blossom]

LMFAO Vipa you are the funniest in this forum...i think i have read every one of your post in this thread..lol please keep it up :) :biggrin: :buttrock: :laugh:

[SolidSnake76]

i have this aunt, aunt jemima, who has this dog named pancake. everyday she wash the dog cause she want it clean and she put it in the oven to dry for 5mins. now aunt jemima knew how to cook, but she was never interested in technology that much. so we bought her a microwave but she never used it, until one time she decided to dry pancake in there. so she put him in, set the thing for 5mins and when it was done, pancake was still wet, but his insides were good enough to eat.

[blossom]

ewwww Snake that was nasty lol :hmmm:

[MasterX05]

....OH THATS IT BUDDY, IM GONNA SPANK YO ASS!!!
suck...THAT!--->
lol I think strider might enjoy that lmao.

[Sportschick155]

lol yeh eh virtual spanking :D

[Strider42]

lol yeh eh virtual spanking :D
sick freaks these days
Sports how would you give me a virtual spanking ???
You're weird.
Sports, what did I tell you about giving the whole blockhead.
I need a joke, I'll think of something of later

[Sportschick155]

strider shut it

[Strider42]

nope :D
check this out

http://www.funnyjunk.com/pages/mariotwins.htm

[Sportschick155]

how about..Y.E.S

[SolidSnake76]

i have another one. remember little johnny?

he and his mother was walking to the store and they saw a condom on the ground. little johnny saked 'mommy what is that?' she said 'its a biscut. now dont eat it.' she went in the store, did her shopping and when she came out, the condom was gone. she asked johnny 'did u eat that biscut?' he said no mommy but i did eat the filling inside.'

[Strider42]

whoa man lol. Now that's funny :D

[MasterX05]

eeww sick man lol :biggrin:

[SolidSnake76]

i have another one if anyone wanna hear.

[DA_VIPA]

hehe nice 1'z snake but i still got some...

Little Johnny and his two friends are sitting on the front porch one day.
The first one says, "My Daddy is so cool he can eat four Burgers at one meal."
The second one says, "That's nothing. My Daddy can eat six."
Little Jonny starts laughing and says, "My Daddy can eat light bulbs."
The other two boys tell Jonny that he is out of his mind. They ask him why he thinks His daddy can eat light bulbs.
Little Jonny replies, "Last night I was passing my parents room and my Daddy said, 'Honey, turn out that light I want to eat that thing.'"

[Yasback]

hey i'm the funniest guy in the world!!! :laugh: i'm serious :p

listen up..

if a sad cockroach thought he was a human, why doesn't a human think he's a cockroach? why? because he's not a c

[DA_VIPA]

um......i dont get it..but anywayz...

Little Johnny brought a box wrapped with a red ribbon to school, as a present for his teacher. He handed it to her. She started to guess what was inside.
"Chocolates?" she asked.
"Nope."
"A Cake?"
Johnny shook his head No. Then the teacher noticed some liquid dripping from the corner of the box.
She caught a few drops on her finger, put the finger in her mouth then said, "Ah, I know-dill pickles."
"No," Johnny said, "it's a puppy."

[SolidSnake76]

ok here sumthing that happened on my first day back to school. [i had a week off and was startin new classes. it was feb 3rd.]

i was waiting to swipe my ID card to enter the school and these girl were screaming so loud, i almost got a headache in a few minutes. and throughout the day, girls were hugging and screaming like they havent seen each other in years when it has only been a week. it was 'the color purple' all over the school.

[DA_VIPA]

??? 'the colour purple'? whas that suppose ta mean? but heres anotha.....

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the ten commandments with her five and six year olds.
After explaining the commandment to "honor thy father and thy mother," she asked "is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"
Without missing a beat Little Johnny answered, "thou shall not kill."

[MasterX05]

??? 'the colour purple'? whas that suppose ta mean?
Its a old black movie with Whoopi Goldberg in it. U have to see it yourself to get what solidsnkae said.

[DA_VIPA]

ooooh ok has jackass the movie come out in usa?

[SBYRD5]

This is a dis
some1 is cursing at u 1st u let him finish after he/she's done u say

''U can call me anything u want eccept *persons name*''
;)
Thats funny....call me a n.o.o.b. just don't call me _-_Diablo_-_. :biggrin:
------------------------------------------------------------
You know whats really funny how KKS name now always comes up as KidKrazypoop.

[SolidSnake76]

ooooh ok has jackass the movie come out in usa?
does that even need an answer?

[SBYRD5]

Yes....

[Yasback]

i told you i'm the funniest :laughlong:

[DA_VIPA]

snake it was a yes/no question im waiting for it 2 come out here...

There was this construction worker on the 3rd floor of this unfinished building. He needed a hand saw, but was too lazy to go down and get it himself, so he tried to call his fellow worker on the ground to get it for him, but this guy could not hear a word he said. So he started to give a sign so the guy on the ground could understand him.
First he pointed at his eyes (meaning "I") then pointed at his knees (meaning "need), and moved his hand back and forth describing the movement of a hand saw.
Finally, the guy on the ground started nodding his head like he understood and dropped his pants and started to jerk off.
The guy on the 3rd floor got pissed-off and ran down to the ground and started yelling at this guy, "You idiot, I was trying to tell you I needed a hand saw."
The other guy replied, "I know, I was trying to tell you that I was coming."

[digital~fighter]

lol...... :lol:
bro where do you gat all this?

[DA_VIPA]

my dad, cousins and my friends bro u got any jokes? post some we might find funny but i never run out of material mwahahahahahaha....

There was a guy riding through the desert on his camel. He had been travelling so long that he felt the need to have sex. Obviously there were no women in the desert so the man turned to his camel.
He tried to position himself to have sex with his camel but the camel ran away. The man ran to catch up to the camel and got back on and started to ride again. Soon he was feeling the urge to have sex again so once again he turned to his camel. The camel refused by running away. So he caught up to it again and go on it again.
Finally after riding the camel through the whole desert the man came to a road. There was a broken down car with three big chested beautiful blondes sitting in it.
He went up to them and asked the women if they needed any help.
The hottest girl said ,"If you fix our car we will do anything you want."
The man luckily knew a thing or two about cars and fixed it in a flash.
When he finished are three girls asked, "How could we ever repay you Mr."
After thinking for a short while he replied,"Could you hold my camel?"

[SolidSnake76]

vipa wheres ur common sense?

a domestic movie made in its own country will be released in its own country! for example: harry potter[lord knows i hate it] was made in london and was released in london first.

[DA_VIPA]

jesus man wtf!! all u had 2 say was YES!! dont ask for my common sense coz i aint got none.. :laugh:

[MasterX05]

that movie came out last year.

[SolidSnake76]

thats it, i done talking.

[DA_VIPA]

last year!!?? dame man...

[coolplayer2K2]

heres a dumb one

ur so stupid u tried to shut a revolving door

[DA_VIPA]

coolplayer u really shouldnt be talkin to yourself... :laugh: j.k anywayz.....

A man who just got a raise decides to buy a new scope for his rifle. He goes to a rifle shop, and asks the clerk to show him a scope.
The clerk takes out a scope, and says to the man, "This scope is so good, you can see my house all the way up on that hill."
The man takes a look through the scope, and starts laughing.
"What's so funny?" asks the clerk.
"I see a naked man and a naked woman running around in the house." the man replies.
The clerk grabs the scope from the man, and looks at his house. Then he hands two bullets to the man and says, "Here are two bullets, I'll give you this scope for nothing if you take these two bullets, shoot my wife's head off and shoot the guy's dick off."
The man takes another look through the scope and says, "You know what? I think I can do that with one shot!"

[DA_VIPA]

u ppl are sooo borin man why is it always me doin the dirty jokes? can some1 plz make me laugh? .. ??? i doubt it but atleast have a try .....


It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighbourhood.
When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope.
At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.
At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door, and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced.
When he had had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee.
As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge. "All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the dollar for?"
"Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you."
He said, "F.u.ck him, give him a dollar."
The lady then said, "The breakfast was my idea."

[digital~fighter]

i know that 1 bro :D

[DA_VIPA]

hey bro ur a funny guy why dont u post sum jokes eh??

[digital~fighter]

tell me what you think

it was a tournment of 3 bat's who gat's more blood
1st one go......... and come back and the bat's seen all his head in blood so the bat's ask him where did you gat all this blood so he seying you see this tree after the tree it is a city and i sact all the blood form the ppl .
2nd one go.......... come back and the bat's seen almost all his body with blood . so the bat's ask him where did you gat all this blood so he seying you see this tree after it was a city and after the city it was a bigger city so i sact all the ppl in the big city.
3rd go ............. come back and the bat's seen his all body with blood so the batd's ask him where did you gat all this blood so he seying you see this tree.so the bat's seying yes.<span style='font-size:12pt;line-height:100%'> i didnt</span>

[DA_VIPA]

huh....could u explain that 1 a lil bro... ???

[digital~fighter]

you know the bat didnt see the tree so he gat bang on it and gat back with his all body with blood

[DA_VIPA]

so its really the bats own blood thats on himself lol yea i get it

[digital~fighter]

yea....... lol :laughlong: :D

[DA_VIPA]

ok bro lets stop spammin before some1 sez somthin ok? lol :laugh: but it aint spammin if its a joke so....

A pianist was hired to play background music for a movie. When it was completed he asked when and where he could see the picture. The producer sheepishly confessed that it was actually a porno film and it was due out in a month.
A month later, the musician went to a porno theatre to see it. With his collar up and dark glasses on, he took a seat in the back row, next to a couple who also seemed to be in disguise.
The movie was even raunchier than he had feared, featuring group sex, S/M and even a dog.
After a while, the embarrassed pianist turned to the couple and said, "I'm only here to listen to the music."
"Yeah?" replied the man. "We're only here to see our dog."

[DA_VIPA]

errr ....heeeelloooooo!!! *echo* *echo* damn u ppl are really boring jeez.....
A husband, one bright sunny morning, turns to his lovely wife, "Wife, we're going fishing this weekend, you, me and the dog."
The wife grimaces, "But I don't like fishing!"
"Look! We're going fishing and that's final."
"Do I have to go fishing with you... I really don't want to go!"
"Right I'll give you three choices... 1 You come fishing with me and the dog... 2 You give me a BLOW JOB.... 3 or you take it up the ass!"
The wife grimaces again, "But I don't want to do any of those things!"
"Wife I've given you three options.. You'll HAVE to do one of them! I'm going to the garage to sort out my fishing tackle, when I come back I expect you to have made up your mind!"
The wife sits and thinks about it.
Twenty minutes later her husband comes back, "Well! What have you decided? FISHING with me and the dog, BLOW JOB, or ass?"
The wife complains some more and finally makes up her mind, "O.K. I'll give you a blow job!"
"Great!" He says and drops his pants. The wife is on her knees doing the business. Suddenly she stops, looks up at her Husband, "Oh! It tastes absolutely disgusting... It tastes all poopty!"
"Yes!" says her husband "The dog didn't want to go fishing either."

[SolidSnake76]

joy to the world, the teacher dead.
we barber-q the head.
what happen to the body?
we flushed it down the potty.
round & round it goes, round & round it goes...........


sorry, lisa never let nelson finish. it was funny.

[DA_VIPA]

ahhh a classic pimpson moment........DOH!! lol at least someone posted...

An escaped convict broke into a house and tied up a young couple who had been sleeping in the bedroom. As soon as he had a chance, the husband turned to his voluptuous young wife, bound-up on the bed in a skimpy nightgown, and whispered,
"Honey, this guy hasn't seen a woman in years. Just cooperate with anything he wants. If he wants to have sex with you, just go along with it and pretend you like it. Our lives depend on it!"
"Dear," the wife hissed, spitting out her gag, "I'm so relieved you feel that way, because he just told me he thinks you have a nice, tight butt!"

[MasterX05]

lol good one

A young man was walking down the street when he notice a shortman in green. The lil man poped up and said to him hello laddy. The man replied umm hello. The lil man then said I am a Leprechaun I can give u gold,cars,house,diamonds,girls and riches beyond your mind. But, the lil leprechuan said, I have been around the world so i havnt gottin any in along time. So I just want a lil bump in the back. The man in disguse said WHAT! no no way man. But the leprechuan said I will give u gold, cars, houses, daimonds, girls, and riches beyond your mind. Um I dont know the man said, then the leprechuan went on I will give u pot of gold,fame,women, and things beyond your mind. Uh well the man started to think, well ok.
So the leprechuan got a stool hoped up and the man pulled his pants down. The leprechuan started to do his thing. So laddy the leprechuan said how old are u. Umm ah 25 the man said back. Ha your 25 years old and u still believe in leprechuans. :biggrin:

[blossom]

lol masterX :laughlong:

[SolidSnake76]

got sum ganja, it is a beauty.
very special, really and truly.
take good take of me, that is ur duty.
want u right by my side, night and day........

no letting go, no holding back.
because u r my baby.
when i am with u its all a that.
bag, i so glad i bought u.
No letting go No holding back
No holding Back no
When I'm with you it's all a that
All a that


They say good things must come to an end
But I'm optimistic about being your friend
u make me feel so good, by my doings
With Keisha and Annesha but that
Was back then

no letting go, no holding back.
because u r my baby.
when i am with u its all a that.
bag, i so glad i bought u.
No letting go No holding back
No holding Back no
When I'm with you it's all a that
All a that

really appretiate u drugging me, after all that we been through.
REALLY APPRETIATE u drugging me, all times, tiiiiimmimeess.

got sum ganja, it is a beauty.
very special, really and truly.
take good take of me, that is ur duty.
want u right by my side, night and day........

no letting go, no holding back.
because u r my baby.
when i am with u its all a that.
bag, i so glad i bought u.
No letting go No holding back
No holding Back no
When I'm with you it's all a that
All a that.

[digital~fighter]

ahhh a classic pimpson moment........DOH!! lol at least someone posted...

An escaped convict broke into a house and tied up a young couple who had been sleeping in the bedroom. As soon as he had a chance, the husband turned to his voluptuous young wife, bound-up on the bed in a skimpy nightgown, and whispered,
"Honey, this guy hasn't seen a woman in years. Just cooperate with anything he wants. If he wants to have sex with you, just go along with it and pretend you like it. Our lives depend on it!"
"Dear," the wife hissed, spitting out her gag, "I'm so relieved you feel that way, because he just told me he thinks you have a nice, tight butt!"
good one bro :lol:

[DA_VIPA]

nice lil weed poem snake did ya make it up yourself or did ya copy some1 else??....

A man decided to have a face lift for his birthday. He spends $5,000 and feels really good about the result. On his way home he stops at a newsstand and buys a paper.
Before leaving he says to the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?"
"About 35," was the reply.
"I'm actually 47," the man says happily.
A little while later he goes to McDonald's for lunch and asks the order taker the same question, to which the reply is, "I'd guess that you're 29?"
"Nope, I am actually 47." He's starting to feel really good about himself.
While standing at the bus stop he asks an old woman the same question.
She replies, "I am 85 years old and my eyesight is going. But when I was young there was a sure way of telling a man's age. If I put my hand down your pants and play with your penis for ten minutes I will be able to tell your exact age."
As there was no one else around the man thought what the hell and let her slip her hand down his pants.
Ten minutes later the old lady says, "OK, it's done. You are 47,"
Stunned the man says, "That was brilliant! How did you do that?"
The old lady replies, "I was behind you in McDonald's".

[digital~fighter]

i dont want to spam but this $hit is good :lol:

[DA_VIPA]

im the joke king!! get it ??..lol nvm

[SolidSnake76]

its my remix of a song called 'no letting go' by wayne wonder.

[coolplayer2K2]

nice lil weed poem snake did ya make it up yourself or did ya copy some1 else??....

A man decided to have a face lift for his birthday. He spends $5,000 and feels really good about the result. On his way home he stops at a newsstand and buys a paper.
Before leaving he says to the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?"
"About 35," was the reply.
"I'm actually 47," the man says happily.
A little while later he goes to McDonald's for lunch and asks the order taker the same question, to which the reply is, "I'd guess that you're 29?"
"Nope, I am actually 47." He's starting to feel really good about himself.
While standing at the bus stop he asks an old woman the same question.
She replies, "I am 85 years old and my eyesight is going. But when I was young there was a sure way of telling a man's age. If I put my hand down your pants and play with your penis for ten minutes I will be able to tell your exact age."
As there was no one else around the man thought what the hell and let her slip her hand down his pants.
Ten minutes later the old lady says, "OK, it's done. You are 47,"
Stunned the man says, "That was brilliant! How did you do that?"
The old lady replies, "I was behind you in McDonald's".
hahaha what a rip off!!!!!!

[DA_VIPA]

rip off ?? w/e ....

A man and his wife are returning from holiday, while on holiday they decided to buy themselves some pets, he bought a snake while the woman got a skunk.
As they are passing through airport control they notice a sign which says
"NO ANIMALS WILL BE ALLOWED THROUGH QUARANTINE"
Slightly distressed the woman turns to her husband and asks what they should do. After thinking hard for 5 minutes the man come up with a plan
"what I'll do is tie the snake around my waist and try to pretend that it's a snake skin belt"
"Yes" the woman replies "but what about the skunk?"
"I don't know, you'll just have to hide it up your skirt"
"but what about the smell?" the woman asks.
To which the man replies "Look, if it dies it dies!"

[DA_VIPA]

Two young lovers go up to the mountains for a romantic winter vacation. When they get there, the guy goes out to chop some wood. When he gets back, he says, "Honey, my hands are freezing!"
She says, "Well, put them here between my thighs and that will warm them up."
After lunch he goes back out to chop some more wood and comes back and says again, "Man! my hands are really freezing!"
She says again, "Well, put them here between my thighs and warm them up." He does, and again that warms him up.
After dinner, he goes out one more time to chop some wood to get them through the night. When he returns, he says again, "Honey, my hands are really, really freezing!"
She looks at him and says, "For crying out loud, don't your ears ever get cold?"