Jokes - Only funny ones

tell me ur jokes
i got one:
theres this wasp in the sarah desert that spends its whole life digging a hole
and he dies digging this hole
and his wife just stands there............
...griping at him
his wifes like "i want a pool"
and hes thinking u know........ ur getting uglier by the minute
and there are these buugs that theid whole purpose is to run
its like they get up in the morning and say "hey guys , ready 2 run?"
and these rattle snakes that eat these bugs hide under the sand
and wait for these bugs to come by
but they can hear the bugs running on the sand
IF U CAN HEAR BUGS RUNNING IN THE SAND, WHAT DO U NEED @ HIDE 4???
its like "hey bill here they come.U hear um that ones got a limp u hear it?"
well thats all just tell me urs!
;) ;)

[The Judge]

n offence here i found this one on the internet. What does a black guys say when he i riding down a zebra...

now you see me and now you dont,

[HandsomeMan]

So there was a chinese guy and an american guy the were both in jail and the american guy seduced the lady guard and she said go over the wall without loosing a body part to regain freedom and he did and he came back wit no arm and then the chinese guy did the same thing and she told him go over the wall without loosing a body part to regain freedom and he did and he said i lost ching chong chinese balls hanging on the prison walls

lol but y do they lose body parts going over a wall?
is there barbed wire? :D

[The Judge]

Your moms ass is so big when she sits down shes 3 feet tall

[asshole]

This guy walks into a Bar and Sits on a Seat..
On the seat next to him there's a Horse sitting, looking all sad. Next to the Horse it says "If you make this Horse LAUGH, you'll get a Jar full of Golden coins".. (NOTHING can make this horse laugh.. )
So the Guy reads the sign and whisPers something in the Horses ear and the Horse starts laughing his ass off!
Everyones all Shocked..
Then the guy just takes the Jar and leaves!

The guy comes back the next day and the same thing haPPens, but this time the sign says "If you make this horse CRY, you'll get a Jar full of Golden Coins".. (NOTHING can make this horse cry.. )
Well the guy does something and the horses starts crying..
Everyones all Shocked again, because NOTHIGN can make teh Horse do ANYTHING..
So the guy Picks uP his Jar and starts to leave..
But before he left some guy asks him.. "Hey man, how do you do this? yesterday you made him Laugh, and today you made him cry.. How do you do this?"

The guy was like "Easy... Yesterday I told the Horse that I have a Bigger Dick, so the Horse found it funny and started laughing, but today I actually showed him my dick!"


Hahaha..
I liked that joke a LOT!



Edited By asshole on July 01 2003 at 14:03

[G_GUNDAM]

lol i that was funny. here is my joke.

there are these 3 people that are riding in a car. ones black, ones white, and ones asian. they get into a car crash and get killed. next thing u know they wind up in hell. the devil comes and welcomes them. the 3 guys all plead sayin how they aint posed to be in hell. so the devil makes a proposition. he says **ok listen up. you can all leave hell under one condition. if i touch your dick and it doesnt burn and fall off then ur out of here.** the 3 guys agreed. the devil touched the white guys dick, and it burned and fell off. the devil touched the asians dick, and it burned and fell off. and the devil touched the black mans dick..........but nothin happened. the devil ask the black man *how can this be??* the black man replys **chocolate melts in your mouth, not in your hand* :laughlong:

man i found this joke to be funny as hell.

[The Judge]

those were funny asshole and G i will be back tommorw with som funny jokes.

g gundam:heard it
the judge:lol
asshole:heard it
:D

[AfterMath]

mine are really really dumb but im bored.


okay so a skeleton goes to a bar with a mop and some money.....(thats the whole joke)


chaotic maniac: HENWAY!!!
Billy-bob:whats a henway?
Chaotic maniac: bout 2 pounds,chickens weigh about three....



......i know my jokes suck.

[G_GUNDAM]

i got a couple of black jokes. and dont take these the wrong way cause im not racist. im tellin these jokes cause im black.


how do u get 5 black men off of rappin a white woman?? throw them a basketball.

why are black people so good in basketball?? because they run, shoot, and steal.

here is an old redneck joke that i heard one time. how are black people and apples the same?? they are pretty when they are haggin.

and no one flame me cause of these jokes. hell im black so i can tell them. AND ITS JUST COMEDY :laughlong:

[Fried_Ricer]

n offence here i found this one on the internet. What does a black guys say when he i riding down a zebra...

now you see me and now you dont,
??? ummmmm that was like how can i put this nicely......Dumb

[Bunmi]

I Got 2 Jokes Really funny i titled them One is


Perverted Chinese Man
and the next is Shaggy and Britany Spears ok here we go

Perverted Chinese man[U]

Theres this woman who boobs grow everytime someone apologizes to her so she bumps into a man and he says sorry the boobs grow eeeeeeeeeeee ---------->---------->
then she bumbs into another man he says sorry eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee ------------------------------>----------------------------------> then she bumps into a chinese man and he says im Sorry A thousand apologies EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE=========== ================================================== =====================>================================================== ============>

next day in the news it said Chinese Man hit by 2 giant torpedoe's

Brittany Spears and Shaggy
[U]

Shaggy and Brittany Spears are in jail right someone farted and shaggy says wasn't me then brittany spears says oops i did it again the next day someone farts shaggy says wasn't me brittany says oops i did it again

The next Someone Farted And it really smelt shaggy says wasn't me brittany spears STRONGER THEN YESTERDAY I CAN STILL SMELL IT A MILE AWAY


LOL these 2 jokes brought to you by Bunmi :laugh:

[MegaManX34]

Wut do u call a blonde turned upside?
Brunnete wit bad breath.
people might have heard this 1 but still pretty funny

:laughlong:

[stjames 2.0]

theres these 3 guys that are on a ship and the get caputred by pirates and then they said that we will let you go if you do what we say and so he tells the first one go in to the forest and get 10 apples and then he goes and then he tells thr 2 guy to go get mangos and then he goes and he told the 3 guy to go get....... cant tell you that part and then the first comes back and says ok got them and the pirates say you got to stick the apples up your but and so he does it and theres 10 apples so he says ok so 1.....2.......3......4........5.....6 and he dies and then 2 guy comes with mangos and he says stick them up your but and he says ok 1.............2..............3.............4...... .......5..........6..........7..........
.......8................9..........and he dies and he goes to heven and sees the 1 guy and the 1 guy say why did you die for you almst did it he said i saw the 3 guy come with watermelons oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

made by scott

[Evil~Akuma]

all of your butts are so big when you people fart you fly to heaven *falls on the floor laughing* :laughlong: :laughlong: :laughlong: :laughlong:

[Evil~Akuma]

ok i tell this guy to fort on purpose he trying to fort but instead he brings out $hiT
lol :laughlong: :laughlong: :laughlong: :laughlong: :laughlong:

[asshole]

Evil~Akuma, go kill yourself!

Anyway, here's another joke..

There are these 3 dude, who die and go to Hell, but in there lives they did something good so Satan makes them a Deal.
He says to them that if you all stay in one room for a million years, you'll be able to leave here as soon as the time Passes. And he tells them to make it easier on them, he will also give me ONE thing (no quantities) of their Choccie for the whole Million Years..

Ok so the first guy chooses a room full of naked girls, and he goes off in his room fro a Million years.
The second guy chooses a room full of of Money, and then he goes off to his room.
And the third guy chooses a room full of Marijuana(weed), and then he goes to his room.

Ok.. a Million years Pass and the first guy comes out and says "Damn, a Million years of Female Vagina(Pus**y), damn, now I think I wanna be gay, cuz I've had so much.."

The second guy coems out and says "Damn, that was a whole lot of money, now I tihnk I wanna be Poor.. I can't stand lookng at money anymore.."

Then the third guy comes out and says "FUXK!!! Anyone got a Liter?"

Hehehe..!

[Selvin]

A husband walks into the bedroom holding two aspirin and a glass of water.

His wife asks, "What's that for?"
"It's for your headache."
"I don't have a headache."
He replies, "Gotcha!"

[pip99]

A husband walks into the bedroom holding two aspirin and a glass of water.

His wife asks, "What's that for?"
"It's for your headache."
"I don't have a headache."
He replies, "Gotcha!"
chessy

and lol as if selvins back

[Evil~Akuma]

ok theres to guys first one asks the second for a dollar the second says first make me a warm pool in the desert bydigging a hole and i will give you a dollar
he dugup the hole put in water
he was trying to give the dollar but it fell in the pool and it was so warm that it got burned it was theonly dollar he got so the guy died in the burning pool spending all fis life begging for a dollar :laugh:

[Evil~Akuma]

theres 2 guys again 1st one says dont messs with me 2nd one says actually YOU dont mess with me and pow he shoots like hell lol :laughlong: :laugh: :buttrock: :alien:

[shadowkiller123]

theres these 3 guys that are on a ship and the get caputred by pirates and then they said that we will let you go if you do what we say and so he tells the first one go in to the forest and get 10 apples and then he goes and then he tells thr 2 guy to go get mangos and then he goes and he told the 3 guy to go get....... cant tell you that part and then the first comes back and says ok got them and the pirates say you got to stick the apples up your but and so he does it and theres 10 apples so he says ok so 1.....2.......3......4........5.....6 and he dies and then 2 guy comes with mangos and he says stick them up your but and he says ok 1.............2..............3.............4...... .......5..........6..........7..........

.......8................9..........and he dies and he goes to heven and sees the 1 guy and the 1 guy say why did you die for you almst did it he said i saw the 3 guy come with watermelons oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

made by scott
thats a editted version of it the real one goes like this


there are 7 guys on a plane. the plane crashes and 3 of the guys find out the others are cannibals. the cannibals say to the 3 guys go get some fruit. so they do . the first guy comes back with 10 apples. they tell him to stick them up his butt without laughing or moaning so he does but he starts to 1..2..3..4 then he starts to moan so they kill him. the second guy comes back with 10 grapes and he starts to stick them up his butt 1..2..3..4..5..6..7..8..9 then he starts to laugh and then they kill him. in heaven the first guy asks the second one why did you start laughing you were almost there then the seond guy says I saw the 3rd guy come back with watermelons

thats what its supposed to be

[Evil~Akuma]

that was a dumb reason why he was laughing :laughlong:

[vordulmega]

why is 6 afraid of 7...???

cuz 7....!8!....9

=?

[Evil~Akuma]

vordulmega i dont get your joke

[Evil~Akuma]

ok this time is different oh got to go

[Evil~Akuma]

yea the joke is theres this guy he is asking for beer to a skeleton the skeleton says uh...uh...uh...uh...

[Evil~Akuma]

ok theres akuma he sees ken and ryu and he does raging demon on them they dont die instead auma dies its like ken ryu did the raging demon so he does not have the raging demon poor akuma j/k he does have raging demon :buttrock:

[Evil~Akuma]

1 is afraid of 2 because 2 is afraid of 3 because 3 is afraid of 4.......

[pip99]

man u triplled posted earlier...now thats 5 in a row...dude your spamming hard.....easy on the add reply man,

[The Judge]

damn akuma calm down

[asshole]

And your jokes suck!

[Nas]

Heres one:

Q.how do you know when a egg is getting on in life?
A.When's its on a roll

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha :D

[vordulmega]

did anyone get my joke? :D

why is 6 afraid of 7?

cuz...7....8(ate)...9

??? i got it off tv..=/

[stjames 2.0]

ya very funny *cough sucked cough*

[vordulmega]

lol..its just a joke, i wasn't serous. you need medicine for that cough?

[negativity]

Ok dont be ragin on me ppl im not a hater i just think its these are sum funni joke :laugh:

Q:theres two black guys in a car whos driving?
A:The cops!!!

Q:What do you call a black god?
A:Holly ####

ok i dont hate blacks and im totally against racism :D

[Nas]

lol nice :D